Friday, September 22, 2006

What the heck happened?

I could tell she was hurt...

She was telling me about this guy she had met who worked as a bouncer at a bar she frequented. They had been doing a lot of talking and flirting when she was there. He was her age and she found him quite attractive. Each week, if she stayed until closing, he would walk her to her vehicle.

Recently, the bar closed a little early since it was a quiet night and she said to him, "We're going up to the place around the corner, do you want to join us?" After several comments about having to go to work the next day, he finally said yes he would accompany her. She bought him a beer and he drank a couple of additional drinks. They talked, as much as they could in the loud place.
After a while, he said that he needed to go because he'd stayed much longer than he had planned. She also said she needed to leave, so he offered to drive her back to her vehicle. They chatted and flirted some more. She had gotten used to the fact that he was pretty reserved, shy even. Before she got out of his truck she said that she hoped he would tell her if her exuberance ever bothered him. He said, "I never said that did I?".

As she got out, she laughed and said, "You're cute".

She crossed the street to her vehicle as he rolled down his window and said, "Just cute??". In response, she said, "Well, let's just say 'I'd DO you'. (As I understand it, this was some inside joke between them). He said, "that's better" as she drove off. She then text messaged his cell phone with: "But you could give me some hint that you're actually interested". He immediately called her cell and said, "Yes".
"Yes, what?" she asked. "YES to what you just asked!"
As she drove home, they chatted on the phone. He started telling her that he was leary of relationships, having been betrayed by someone (they had talked some about his ex-wife before). She told him that she didn't want to MARRY him. He said sarcastically, "Well, thanks!" and she said, "Geez, what do you WANT from me?
He then said, "What do YOU want?"
She told him that above all, friendship was the most important thing... but friendship "with benefits" wasn't bad either... he laughed. She DID want him. As they finished the conversation, they had agreed to work on the friendship first.

The week following, they again went to the bar up the street after he got off from work. Things were pretty much as the week before. Still taking it slow.

But now she tells me that in the last couple of weeks he's changed. He still chats with her at work... but he's much more reserved. And to top it all off, he's told some of her friends that he "Just wants to be friends"... Wow, the kiss of death. She was crushed. Bad enough that he feels that way, but to announce it to her friends!? She asked me what she had done wrong...

Maybe you didn't DO anything wrong... maybe he really is affected by his past. Maybe he can't get past it. You're very different. He's quiet, reserved and you are... hmmm, energetic... and affectionate! He told you he's not very affectionate. "Yes, but I asked if it bothered him that I was and again he shot back, 'Now did I say that it bothered me?'"

I said to her, "okay, maybe he's just a shallow bastard."
No really! Let's just see what happens. Chill Out! It's not like you won't ever see him again. Hah, easier said than done!


Rick said...

...two ships passing in the night.
A sound. A sign. Then silence.
- Longfellow

Anonymous said...

tell your "friend" don't waste anymore time and effort on him. don't go to this bar for a few weeks. ignore him. if that doesn't make him get his act together, she is better off without him. after all, she was the one who said she just wanted a friendship with benefits so why so blue over his change of attitude?

BelaBlogousi said...

He's gay...

The Designer Diva said...

Sometimes we just misinterpret and over analyze situations. Maybe she's just expecting things to soon and too fast?

Guys just dont think like we do. Maybe she needs to give him time and not to expect him to feel the same way she feels by tomorrow morning.

Hope things work out for her.

scootz said...

Someone told me one time, there is a season and a reason for everyone we meet in life. I think he is arrogant to say, "I just want to be friends". She said I want friendship most of all, and more if you are interested, he said "yes"....mixed msgs. "RED FLAG"

Anonymous said...

whatever happen to your friend and this guy? did she take any of the advice given?

peg said...

yup, she pretty much stayed away from him. As far as I know, she's not been in touch with him since. And she's alive and well.