Monday, March 03, 2008

Monday is "Data-dump" day...

(...or perhaps it's just "Information Overload")

My weekend was both wonderful and disappointing! Story of my life... (see Dichotomy entry), nothing is ever cut and dried in Peg's life. It's always "this and that", "either/or", "asi asi" but never just plain GOOD.

On Saturday, I spent the morning at the Clinic/Institute because the current 6 Month Massage Class was graduating and I wanted to help out. I feel somewhat responsible, although I really didn't have anything to do with THIS class. I do help out with the current 12 Month (evening) class and I've been tutoring one of the students in Anatomy & Physiology.
I've been offered a teaching position for the future! I will begin as a Teaching Assistant as I'm "groomed" to take over some of the classes, probably 2009 or so. It seems that Pam (owner/ Head Instructor) wants to have a LIFE... go figure.
I'm very excited about this!

After graduation, I stopped by the motorcycle range and visited with my Fwed for a little bit. We thrusted and parried... employing our usual ammunition: sexual innuendo! I SO enjoy our jousts! Then I headed to Starbucks to hang with my buddy grodge (AKA The Scholar). Haven't sat around 'bucks in quite a while... it was nice to have some down time. Later, he followed me over to my new digs and we watched a movie together.

In an attempt to help some of the students with class assignments that are... shall we say, Down to the Wire, I had made arrangements for a couple of them to come over on Sunday.
I was disappointed... yet again.
Funny how I'm always thinking I should DO what I say I will do... bad habit that!
I didn't leave the house in anticipation of these events... there WERE things I could have been doing. Not that I wanted to, mind you, but I could have. None the less, I guess I should thank them... in a way. Other than doing some laundry and vacuuming the floors (not a real task, as I have a Roomba) I relaxed and got some needed rest. I awoke this morning feeling nice and refreshed.

So, there was good and there was not-so-good this past weekend. Was there Bad, you ask (you did ask didn't you?)? Well, pervading my restful weekend, there was the fact that I had not heard from someone who is very important to me...

Letter to my love:

First, I want to say Thanks, Dear for responding this morning!

I have a really hard time not taking your silences personally.

I also have a hard time deciding whether I should tell you what I'm feeling. I think sometimes that it will make things worse and that it might make you more distant. I'm not sure if it makes things harder for you or if it makes you aware just how much I care for you.

I spent days leaving you alone, trying not to bother you, giving you "space". And it was agony, mostly because I spent it hoping that you would take the initiative and say something to me... call me, email me, whatever.
I didn't keep quiet to test you in any way, I just thought perhaps you needed me to leave you alone... but I wanted to feel missed. In the end, I did what I always do... contact YOU.

I felt guilty because I've been thinking of myself... I DO get to think of myself some don't I?? I spend so much time thinking of others... I wanted something for me. I wanted YOU.

I foresee it getting even harder... as my time gets taken up even more with duties and clients.
And I see you getting mired more and more in your... tasks, your chores... your withdrawal!
I'm frightened that you will get to a point where you won't even want to TRY anymore... try to see me... or anyone else for that matter. Will you stop wanting me? I'm scared that you already have.

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