Thursday, June 05, 2008

breathtakingly simple...

"I will see you then, thanks for everything

Love you"

My Love,

It's truly surprising how a simple, short email can remedy EVERY bad feeling I've been having.

I have my very own psychosis...
or perhaps it's a neurosis...

I know I have done nothing wrong.
I do go overboard at times... yes, I'm aware of that. I sometimes become, for lack of a better word, compulsive. But all in all, I don't do anything to harm anyone and I try to not annoy or bother though sometimes it's impossible to avoid completely, at least where you are concerned. Most of my time is spent trying to figure out how to FIX people. And I want to fix everything for you. Of course I know that I can't and that's the most painful part for me.

The last time I saw you was perfect... at least for ME! Time alone together. Time to just hold each other. After leaving you, I was filled with the warmest glow. You know what that was? Love... plain and simple and the knowledge that I made a difference for you, however small. I was so enthralled... I never went to sleep. Then morning came and I did something I shouldn't have. Oh it wasn't a bad thing, just ill timed. I'm sure it wasn't as earth shattering as it felt to me at the moment, not at all, a rediculous thought. But I've come to realize that I second-guess my words and actions toward you lately. How will you react to This email? What will be the consequences of calling you right now? Will I annoy you? I analyze everything.
THIS is my neurosis. Intellectually, I know that you don't react... or over react to my every word or emotion. But my soul aches to make everything better for you and when I feel I've done some little thing to make things worse, I obsess! I am learning to deal with this and not freak out... but then, you KNOW me eh?

When you sent those ten little words above... I just melted.
It don't take much, do it?

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