do you ever feel invisible?

1. my best friend is in pain... real emotional pain.
2. and I can't help, I so want to help... I love him so very much.
3. I have a career (finally) that I love ... Massage.
4. I have lots of massage clients (lots for a part time job) and I'm thrilled.
5. I have many new friends/colleagues, and that warms my soul.
6. I feel several connections/friendships slipping away, is it something I've done or not done?
7. I have 3 more years at the 'day job', I can retire at 50!
8. I start as Teaching Assistant at the massage school in September... I love teaching, I'm so excited.
9. I start as the TEACHER at the massage school in about a year, I'm excited (and a little scared).
10. I still love teaching folks to ride motorcycles, but it takes A LOT out of me.
11. I feel I've let my Fwed down.
12. I'm empathic, sometimes that's good, sometimes NOT
13. I miss my love... I'm lonely at times.
14. I love easing pain. I want to help everyone.
15. I want to learn everything!
16. I'm up, then I'm down, then back up... I'm tired.

Maybe I just WANT to be invisible... hmmm, sometimes.

The Buddha said,

"No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”

Need to live by that one!

Moosey-business...

Check this out... it's guaranteed to make you smile!

I can't help but notice...

... how you never really say my name.

No, not like Destiny's Child's. You don't use nicknames either.
You address me directly but never preface it with, well... with anything. The few times you've used "Peg" or "Peggy" it's because you were irritated with me. Well, I guess you have actually called me "Dear" a couple of times but the instances have been few and far between.
And, don't get me wrong, it's not a big deal. It just makes me wonder. What does it mean? Does it MEAN anything? Is it a good thing or is it something to worry about? Is it one of your self-preservation things? And if so, how exactly does it help?
I only bring it up because I love to hear your voice and it would be nice to hear my name on your lips.

Ah, speaking of your lips...

hmmm

I struggle with choosing between “Worth doing!” and “Not worth it”...
but ultimately, it’s worth the pain.

See more progress on: Fall in love

Haiku Friday, finally...

Finally Friday,
dead tired and bone-weary
need a vacation
~

my best wishes, even though...

may his visit help

this weekend was to be mine

hope for some healing

~

Sunday, sit on my ass day...

I've had a bad week... and today I plan to sit on the couch and not move.  So that means frivolous movies.  

Here's one that was pretty cute, with no real redeemable qualities other than it made me smile:

Finally! No rain...

it's the little things...

you said it scared you

but you wouldn't let me go

walking, holding hands

~

Haiku Friday...

holiday at home

a day of celebration?

no, just of yearning

~

 

Photo of the day

Went to water my hanging plant and look what I found!

UPDATE - July 13th:

12000th Blog Hit! WooHoo!

My hit counter tripped to 12,000 today! Yay!

Jott test. I am just...

Jott test. I am just testing this out to see how Jott works with blogger. You've got to check out this utility, its pretty cool. listen

Powered by Jott

tiny fantasies...

I hear a knock on the door, you're standing there.

I know you're too busy, I know you're on your way home, I know you have a schedule to keep... but there you are.  When I open the door, you grab me and kiss me.

A long warm hug and a whisper in my ear, "I have to go, just needed to see you"

and then you're gone and I'm ever so much happier...

backdrop of anguish...

short lived, that feeling

be it gratitude or love

pales against your pain

~

Book of the day... Christopher Moore

This has to be the most hysterical book I've read in a long time.
I rarely laugh out loud while reading a book... but I did this time, several times in fact. I got some "looks" at Cici's Pizza while reading at lunchtime... oh well...

A Dirty Job A Novel
by Christopher Moore
Charlie Asher is a pretty normal guy. A little hapless, somewhat neurotic, sort of a hypochondriac. He's what's known as a Beta Male: the kind of fellow who makes his way through life by being careful and constant -- you know, the one who's always there to pick up the pieces when the girl gets dumped by the bigger/taller/stronger Alpha Male.
But Charlie's been lucky. He owns a building in the heart of San Francisco, and runs a secondhand store with the help of a couple of loyal, if marginally insane, employees. He's married to a bright and pretty woman who actually loves him for his normalcy. And she, Rachel, is about to have their first child.
Yes, Charlie's doing okay for a Beta. That is, until the day his daughter, Sophie, is born. Just as Charlie -- exhausted from the birth -- turns to go home, he sees a strange man in mint-green golf wear at Rachel's hospital bedside, a man who claims that no one should be able to see him. But see him Charlie does, and from here on out, things get really weird. . . .
People start dropping dead around him, giant ravens perch on his building, and it seems that everywhere he goes, a dark presence whispers to him from under the streets. Strange names start appearing on his nightstand notepad, and before he knows it, those people end up dead, too. Yup, it seems that Charlie Asher has been
recruited for a new job, an unpleasant but utterly necessary one:

Death. It's a dirty job. But hey, somebody's gotta do it.

Praise for A Dirty Job
"Dizzyingly inventive and hypnotically engaging, A Dirty Job is . . . like no other book I've ever read." --Gregory Maguire, author of Wicked and Son of a Witch

"One of the antic Moore's funniest capers yet." --Kirkus Reviews

ISBN: 0060590270

Published by William Morrow

hardcover 24.95 paperback $9.95

What character from "A Dirty Job" are you? Lily The Goth Girl. Nothing totaly cool happens to you, ever! You envy Asher's position of Death. you can be a real bitch, and you aren`t afraid to admit it. but still have a small ray of affection shining through.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Katy Perry - I Kissed a Girl

Love this song! mmmmmmmmmm cherry chapstick!

I got your Tweet... Right here!

OH MY GOD! Like I needed another thing to eat up my time!
Granted, I'm pretty much a captive audience while at the day job (I ain't goin' nowhere)... but really!

I discovered Twitter.com a couple of months ago and I was hooked. I belong to almost every social networking (more like social playing) site there is... like myspace, facebook, irovr, fubar, even Karaoke Junkies... anyway, I found twitter and it really appealed to me. Maybe the fact that I write poetry with such tight restrictions as to word count... maybe that's why I love this "social updating" where you can only use 140 characters per message. I've always seen my haiku as tiny snapshots of my mood at any given moment. Twitter.com is tiny snapshots of your life that you share with the world, or with just the people you choose.

At Twitter... you "Tweet"... that's the verb. When you post an update you are "tweeting". Each post is a "tweet" and each member is a "tweeter".
So you tweet to your peeps! If it's someone you really like... then they're "tweeties"!
Got it?

And on top of that... there's twittervision! A phenomenal waste of time... but such FUN!

G Dewald writes about it here on his blog: unionstreetmedia.com

You know, I'm running out of time in the day for reading all my feeds, tweeting on twitter, blogging, and buying friends on myspace... I need more hours in the day!

your life, all wrapped up
hundred forty characters
ah, succinctness rules!
~

something in the water??

I'd like to know just what the hell is going on with my friends lately.

So many of them are having a really hard time.
I mentioned this before in my post Dichotomy.
My best buddy, C has been living a nightmare for over a year now. He's plugging along but it is so hard for him. I do what I can... but really, what can I do?
My friend T.J. has a less than favorable diagnosis and he too is living life as best he can. He's a fighter. And he has the love of his Sarah to keep him warm and he has many good friends.

Then there is my love, P.M. who is having trials and tribulations to deal with too. Being distant seems to be how P.M. deals with this particular problem. But that's not "how I roll" (if you don't mind me using the latest catch phrase). As I said yesterday... I have to FIX things. When I can't I agonize. So, again, What can I do?

I'm here...
I'm here for C and I'd do anything to help him.
I'm here for T.J., I listen when he wants to rant. I try to attend his karaoke gigs whenever possible... I try to be available.
And as for P.M., I love you and I'm here whenever you call and feel the need for companionship. I await your call or your email or your text... every moment of every day.
As I said in my post yesterday... I'm so very thankful to have had time with you recently and I look forward to the next time.

My life has been going so well... I only want to share it with my friends. I try to be up-beat and cheerful because I believe good vibes are so very important.

As Natalie Merchant sings: Life is Sweet!
I want you all to experience it the way I do.
I love you guys... so, so much!

breathtakingly simple...

"I will see you then, thanks for everything

Love you"

My Love,

It's truly surprising how a simple, short email can remedy EVERY bad feeling I've been having.

I have my very own psychosis...
or perhaps it's a neurosis...

I know I have done nothing wrong.
I do go overboard at times... yes, I'm aware of that. I sometimes become, for lack of a better word, compulsive. But all in all, I don't do anything to harm anyone and I try to not annoy or bother though sometimes it's impossible to avoid completely, at least where you are concerned. Most of my time is spent trying to figure out how to FIX people. And I want to fix everything for you. Of course I know that I can't and that's the most painful part for me.

The last time I saw you was perfect... at least for ME! Time alone together. Time to just hold each other. After leaving you, I was filled with the warmest glow. You know what that was? Love... plain and simple and the knowledge that I made a difference for you, however small. I was so enthralled... I never went to sleep. Then morning came and I did something I shouldn't have. Oh it wasn't a bad thing, just ill timed. I'm sure it wasn't as earth shattering as it felt to me at the moment, not at all, a rediculous thought. But I've come to realize that I second-guess my words and actions toward you lately. How will you react to This email? What will be the consequences of calling you right now? Will I annoy you? I analyze everything.
THIS is my neurosis. Intellectually, I know that you don't react... or over react to my every word or emotion. But my soul aches to make everything better for you and when I feel I've done some little thing to make things worse, I obsess! I am learning to deal with this and not freak out... but then, you KNOW me eh?

When you sent those ten little words above... I just melted.
It don't take much, do it?

Patsy Cline-ish...

So, would you like to hear one of my karaoke songs?? Well then, click here:

Peg's Law #27...

Packing away your sweaters and sweats one day

guarantees winter-like temperatures the next day!

Happy Day, Mom...

Yes, even though I did not travel out to B.F.E. today, I did call my mom to wish her Happy Mother's Day.

Never in a million years did I expect the info I got from her.

My Mom is blogging!

How weird is that??

She's a librarian and the Regional Library was participating in the 20 Things Project. As best as I can tell, it was a project to get the staff involved in blogging and learning more about the avenues of research on the world wide web. She did well enough to win an mp3 player.... (mom asks, "What is an mp3 player?"). Wow, I just can't get over it.

I told her I hoped she continued with her blog.

Sooooo, I felt like I should post SOMETHING today.

Here's a pic I took this morning to show all my irovr friends how cold and dreary it is in central Virginia today:

Economic Stimulus Payment

Economic Stimulus Payment

This is a very exciting new program that I will explain

using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?

A. Shut up.

nothing's changed...

at least nothing in MY heart.

can't make you want me

no way to make you wish it

just biding my time

~

YAEL NAIM NEW SOUL LYRICS

my new favorite!

hmm? no, no... I'm just fine...

perfectly alright

not a problem in the world

if I had no heart

~

p.m., please my dear

if you bother to read this

let me hear your voice

~

Another sleeper...

okay, I don't know if it was a sleeper or not... but I had never seen it. It was quite good, heartwarming, uplifting... all that.

Kinky Boots

Wonderful performance by

Chiwetel Ejiofor

Another track...

"No Air"

(Jordan Sparks feat. Chris Brown)

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air

If I should die before I wake

It's 'cause you took my breath away

Losing you is like living in a world with no air

Oh

I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave

My heart won't move, it's incomplete

Wish there was a way that I can make you understand

But how do you expect meto live alone with just me

'Cause my world revolves around you

It's so hard for me to breathe

[Chorus:]

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air

Can't live, can't breathe with no air

It's how I feel whenever you ain't there

It's no air, no air

Got me out here in the water so deep

Tell me how you gonna be without me

If you ain't here, I just can't breathe

It's no air, no air

No air, air

No air, air

No air, air

No air, air

I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew

Right off the ground to float to you

There's no gravity to hold me down for real

But somehow I'm still alive inside

You took my breath, but I survived

I don't know how, but I don't even care

So how do you expect me

to live alone with just me

'Cause my world revolves around you

It's so hard for me to breathe

[Chorus]

No air, air

No air, air

No air, air

No air, air

No more

It's no air, no air

[Chorus x2]

No air, air

No air, air

No air, air

No air, air

Simple building. Stonehenge Reloaded by only one white man!!

This is fascinating!

soundtrack of my life...

for you, Love...

Hawkins Sophie B - Don't Don't Tell Me No lyrics

I never thought that I could
Crash upon your sandy shores
And like the feeling of your warm security
It's not like me

Now I come with strange excitement
At your very touch I'm frightened
Don't I ask too much you tell me
Long as I can keep on yelling

Don't don't tell me no
I want you to take my hand
Never ever let it go
Even if I make you mad
Darling every bit of love you give
You will get more back
If you believe it

Who cares if its forever
There's no time when we're together
Who cares if we don't worry
We don't even have to hurry

This is our world awaiting
For the sweetest penetrating
Love that we have found
Why can't we splatter it around and around

Why don't you stay
You make me laugh like it's forever
And cry like I have never
You heal my pain
Why can't we pray
Let's take the time to feel the weather
And love the world together
It's the only way



Song lyrics  Don't Don't Tell Me No lyrics

you've had an effect on my life...

whether you planned it

my life changed because of you

i love you for that

~

have you ever watched Sex, Lies & Videotape?

oddly familiar to me ...

Goodbye, Arthur...

...I've loved you for as long as I can remember!

Arthur C. Clarke died on the morning of March 18, 2008 having completed "90 orbits around the sun". He had been suffering from breathing problems. (Wikipedia)

"If we have learned one thing from the history of invention and discovery, it is that, in the long run--and often in the short one--the most daring prophecies seem laughably conservative."

-Arthur C. Clarke

Bon Voyage, Sir Arthur!

Going thru the motions

Sleepwalking your days
no real feelings or deep thought
no motions for me.
~

p

sent from my iphone!

do you remember my number?

would you ever call?

if you just needed to talk

just needed a friend?

~

come back to us...

cannot entice you

nothing i have to offer

your heart is closed off

~

i like giants... i really do

very interesting!

check's in the mail...

job's done for today

is this your purpose in life?

purge my soul of joy?

~

Life is tests

This is a blog post from my friend T.J. He posted this on his MySpace page this morning.
Not only did I give him two Kudos... I thought it deserved to be re-posted. It's quite good, don't you think?

Some of you will discard this, based on its length... moving on to the next little survey on your page...
I like to test people all the time... Often times, when I ask something of somebody, or offer something, or behave a certain way, or even ask "are you sure"... I'm testing people... all of you.
Some pass... some fail. That is all relative to my personnal version of what is right , and what is wrong. We all have our own code... our own understanding of right and wrong, but I get something out of putting people through tests they don't even realize they are part of.
Some would say that's not very nice...
But you have to remember, that life IS tests!!
I will not say what my own personal yes, no, or "that was only once" responses are for each of these. I just want to say that in my opinion... life is tests...
Every reaction... every choice... is part of that.

When you find a quarter on the ground, do you shove it in your pocket... and forget about it? Or do you stick it in the next "Help the children" box you come across in the gas station?
When given an opportunity to show some trust in someone who has tried so hard to be deserving of it... do you deny it? Or do you give them the chance to prove their worth, despite your fears?
When you are given a twenty dollar bill, instead of the five you are supposed to recieve... do you smile to yourself about the error, and revel in your good fortune? Or do you hand the money back to the server, with the understanding, that that comes out of their pocket... and while you may have been sweet to them, at least SOMEBODY has recently treated them like shit!
When you have a choice of helping another through a patch in their life that may at times seem even trivial to you... do you point out your sufferings, and belittle what they go through? Or do you use your experience and knowledge, to assist them... knowing that you weren't always so worldly yourself?
When faced with a situation where someone who is supposed to be closed to you has a life altering experience... do you buckle under the pressure, and let your fear get the best of you? Or do you fight for, and with that person, knowing that they would always be the first to battle next to you, should anything ever come against you in your life?
When you see someone on the side of the road, struggling to change a tire... do you say "that sucks", and make sure you're on time for work? Or do you stop... help them... and go on late, get in trouble, and just hope that they will someday do the same for someone else?
When someone you know is really hard up... and you find yourself constantly helping them with bills, a ride, a shoulder, whatever the case may be... do you ask for favors from them? Do you remind them whenever possible, how generous you are, making sure to let others know of your apparent generosity? Or do you simply do what you can, and not tell others about it?
If a friend asks for a phone call, or message, or something so basic... just a few moments out of your time; to make sure you're okay. Do you make that a priority for that day? Or do you figure out what excuses you can use, because you don't feel like "dealing with them"?
If you're running late for an appointment, and you see someone struggling with a large container... or what WAS a large container full of items, now strewn on the floor. Do you help the almost certainly embarrassed individual pick up the mess? Or do you slide past, trying not to step on any of the contents... and rush to your appointment?
If you're in the checkout line at a store, with a half cart full of goods... and someone steps in behind you, carrying three items. Do you say "go ahead", and gesture in front of you? Or do you look back toward the convayor, and shovel your stuff toward the register?
If you have a child that finds that they have an interest in music or visual arts, and wants a way to express it... Do you support that part of their creative nature, and make certain that they have whatever means necessary... even if it means you don't get a better computer, or vacation, or a new appliance? Or do you tell the child to focus on something more "realistic", and ask them to be happy with whatever toys they've got?

Think about it... and remember... pass or fail, life IS tests.

what pathology is this?

how can an organ,

a mass of muscle and blood

ache so completely?

~

What is Xibalba?

An absolute feast for the eyes! I will have to see this several more times to make real sense of it. I guess I will have to by the DVD, and read the book. It was spectacular. Very spiritual without being religious. It gave me shivers.

I've always loved Huge Jackman and still do! I'm more and more impressed with his acting ability.

It's pronounced (Shi bal ba)

From Wikipedia:

In Maya mythology Xibalba, roughly translated as "Place of fear",[1] is the name of the underworld, ruled by Mayan spirits of disease and death. In the 16th-century Verapaz, the entrance to Xibalba was traditionally held to be a cave in the vicinity of Cobán, Guatemala...

Xibalba is described in the Popol Vuh as a court below the
surface of the Earth. It is unclear if the inhabitants of Xibalba are the souls of the deceased or a separate race of beings worshipping death, but they are often depicted as being human-like in form. The place Xibalba was associated with death and was ruled by twelve gods or powerful rulers known as the Lords of Xibalba. The first among the Lords of Xibalba were One Death and Seven Death.

The remaining ten Lords are often referred to as demons and are given commission and domain over various forms of human suffering: to cause sickness, starvation, fear, destitution, pain, and ultimately death.[1] The remaining residents of Xibalba are thought to have fallen under the dominion of one of these Lords, going about the face of the Earth to carry out their listed duties.

"I am Jaguar Paw...

... This is my forest. I am not afraid"

Didn't think I was going to like this one (certainly wasn't the chick flick I was looking for yesterday). I have to admit, I was captivated. Good Work, Mel!
Oh, and I love the poster.

How'd I miss this one??

The Truth About Love

Made in 2004? I don't remember this one coming out at all. I really liked it. But then, I'm sitting here feeling really down and crying my eyes out at this chick flick... what the fuck's wrong with me??

Oh well, wonder what's coming on next... hmmm? Airport? Naw. Five Guns West? Definitely NOT! Geez, I need another 'tear jerker'! Any suggestions?? Anyone?? Help!

Charles Schultz philosophy... not...

it's a good philosophy though

(and it's been posted all over the place... and yes, I'm posting it again 'cause it's MY blog... wwahahahahahaha):




You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America Contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. They are not second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificate s are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier? i love this!

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are NOT the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones who care.

Share this with those who have made a difference in your life. I just did!

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
It's already tomorrow in Australia ."
(Charles Schultz)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

According to Snopes, Only the last quote is actually Schultz'... but it's a wonderful sentiment don't ya think?

Holy Mother of Perpetual Satisfaction...

well, Chocoholic Satisfaction anyway...

Have you tried these yet??

Oh My!

And Yes, "Oh My" is all I can come up with at the moment. I'm in Awe.

(And my keyboard is covered with little chocolate sprinkles sticking to chocolatey keys!)

a token of my love...

Monday is "Data-dump" day...

(...or perhaps it's just "Information Overload")

My weekend was both wonderful and disappointing! Story of my life... (see Dichotomy entry), nothing is ever cut and dried in Peg's life. It's always "this and that", "either/or", "asi asi" but never just plain GOOD.

On Saturday, I spent the morning at the Clinic/Institute because the current 6 Month Massage Class was graduating and I wanted to help out. I feel somewhat responsible, although I really didn't have anything to do with THIS class. I do help out with the current 12 Month (evening) class and I've been tutoring one of the students in Anatomy & Physiology.
I've been offered a teaching position for the future! I will begin as a Teaching Assistant as I'm "groomed" to take over some of the classes, probably 2009 or so. It seems that Pam (owner/ Head Instructor) wants to have a LIFE... go figure.
I'm very excited about this!

After graduation, I stopped by the motorcycle range and visited with my Fwed for a little bit. We thrusted and parried... employing our usual ammunition: sexual innuendo! I SO enjoy our jousts! Then I headed to Starbucks to hang with my buddy grodge (AKA The Scholar). Haven't sat around 'bucks in quite a while... it was nice to have some down time. Later, he followed me over to my new digs and we watched a movie together.

In an attempt to help some of the students with class assignments that are... shall we say, Down to the Wire, I had made arrangements for a couple of them to come over on Sunday.
I was disappointed... yet again.
Funny how I'm always thinking I should DO what I say I will do... bad habit that!
I didn't leave the house in anticipation of these events... there WERE things I could have been doing. Not that I wanted to, mind you, but I could have. None the less, I guess I should thank them... in a way. Other than doing some laundry and vacuuming the floors (not a real task, as I have a Roomba) I relaxed and got some needed rest. I awoke this morning feeling nice and refreshed.

So, there was good and there was not-so-good this past weekend. Was there Bad, you ask (you did ask didn't you?)? Well, pervading my restful weekend, there was the fact that I had not heard from someone who is very important to me...

Letter to my love:

First, I want to say Thanks, Dear for responding this morning!

I have a really hard time not taking your silences personally.

I also have a hard time deciding whether I should tell you what I'm feeling. I think sometimes that it will make things worse and that it might make you more distant. I'm not sure if it makes things harder for you or if it makes you aware just how much I care for you.

I spent days leaving you alone, trying not to bother you, giving you "space". And it was agony, mostly because I spent it hoping that you would take the initiative and say something to me... call me, email me, whatever.
I didn't keep quiet to test you in any way, I just thought perhaps you needed me to leave you alone... but I wanted to feel missed. In the end, I did what I always do... contact YOU.

I felt guilty because I've been thinking of myself... I DO get to think of myself some don't I?? I spend so much time thinking of others... I wanted something for me. I wanted YOU.

I foresee it getting even harder... as my time gets taken up even more with duties and clients.
And I see you getting mired more and more in your... tasks, your chores... your withdrawal!
I'm frightened that you will get to a point where you won't even want to TRY anymore... try to see me... or anyone else for that matter. Will you stop wanting me? I'm scared that you already have.

today's song...

My life has a soundtrack...
and today's song is:

"Love Song"

SARA BAREILLES

Head under water

And they tell me to breathe easy for a while

The breathing gets harder, even I know that

You made room for me but it's too soon to see

If I'm happy in your hands

I'm unusually hard to hold on to

Blank stares at blank pages

No easy way to say this

You mean well, but you make this hard on me

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you asked for it

'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you tell me it's

Make or break in this

If you're on your way

I'm not gonna write you to stay

If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better

Reason to write you a love song today

I learned the hard way

That they all say things you want to hear

And my heavy heart sinks deep down under you and

Your twisted words,

Your help just hurts

You are not what I thought you were

Hello to high and dry

Convinced me to please you

Made me think that I need this too

I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you asked for it

'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you tell me it's

Make or break in this

If you're on your way

I'm not gonna write you to stay

If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better

Reason to write you a love song today

Promise me that you'll leave the light on

To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone

'cause I believe there's a way you can love me

Because I say

I won't write you a love song

'cause you asked for it

'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you tell me it's make or break in this

Is that why you wanted a love song

'cause you asked for it

'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you tell me it's make or break in this

If you're on your way

I'm not gonna write you to stay

If your heart is nowhere in it

I don't want it for a minute

Babe, I'll walk the seven seas when I believe that

There's a reason to

Write you a love song today

Lyrics

still love you...

where are you, my love

don't you ever want to talk

just to hear MY voice?

~

Puccini for Beginners...

oh, this one is good!
The sushi chefs were the BEST PART... Hilarious.

Allegra and Samantha break up. Allegra dates Phillip. Philip has broken up with Grace. Grace dates Allegra. Allegra does not know Grace is Phillip's ex and vice versa.

AIM, then shoot...

here we go again

'available' it still says

just not for me then?

~

Anatomy Trains...

I spent the past weekend in NOVA... the Herndon/Reston area actually... at AKS Massage School. We were in a class on Tom Myers' Anatomy Trains.

Anatomy Trains Myofascial Meridians is a revolution in Soft-Tissue Patterning. Anatomy Trains provides a precise map of the 'anatomy of connection' -
the whole-body fascial and myofascial linkages, leading to holistic strategies for health professionals, movement teachers, and athletes to resolve complex postural and movement patterns.

Fascia, Tensegrity, Structural Integration, posture, "Spatial Medicine"...
what a fascinating class!

unseasonably warm... but still...

crystal clear and cool

my body aches to be held

warm my soul as well

~

the move...

Did I mention we moved? Not far, just a few miles away. This house is a bit bigger and has a detached garage. There's space enough for a separate massage room so that's good, no more massage table taking up the living room!
There are hard wood floors which in good for the allergies.

I think the cat has explored and searched out every possible spot to sleep in. But did I mention hard wood floors? No carpet... how can one small cat create such a racket while playing in the hallway? And you know she must do that at the most inopportune times!

miss you...

i have to believe

if you really wanted me

you'd make it happen

~

Bubbly...

Colbie Caillat Lyrics

Keanu & Sandra... two of my favorites...

One of the all time greatest chick flicks!

The Lake House

I love the premise...

miss you so...

whether i see you

or you stand too far from me

love, with all my heart

~

3 laws of robotics...

I've always liked this movie.

I am a freak for Isaac Asimov's Foundation Series and other robot stories.There are great moments in this movie, like when Rupert removes Andrew's face for the upgrade. Andrew screams when he sees himself in a mirror, "I saw the inner me!"

Snow!!!

Mother's little helper...

Kitty decided to help me pack for the move.

Meeting day

Sitting in an all day meeting for motorcycle safety... My bestest
roommate won the Gecko!! Woohoo!

come back...

it's always been thus

out of sight, out of mind... but

now it's even worse

~

The Worlds Fastest Indian...

another chapter from Movies I've Never Heard Of... but are damned good:

The World's Fastest Indian

Merde!

i do understand

low of your priorities

but it does still hurt

~

dichotomy...

I've been living a strange duality, of late.

On one side, I have a very good friend who is dealing with clinical depression, one friend has been diagnosed with Level 2 Astrocytoma, one friend just died suddenly on the job. I'm stuggling to deal with these circumstances... to "make sense".

On the other side, My life has taken a direction that is completely joyful and healing... for me as well as the people I get to help. I've never been happier in my life... I've never been happier WITH my life.

Yet, I grieve the loss of my friend, Ray. He died last week, on the job. We had his memorial service on Tuesday and the chapel was overflowing with friends, many friends that I have not seen in a very long time. Sad that it takes such circumstances to bring us back together. I will miss Ray's laugh, his smile and his bear hugs... especially the hugs!

I grieve the (emotional) loss of my mentor/best buddy "C" and I pray he finds his way back. He's dealing with turmoil and obstacles in his life much of which was thrust upon him. He did not have a choice and that loss of control is somthing he's not dealing with well.

I have to believe he will come back, for my own sanity as much as his. I need him.

My friend T.J. was diagnosed with a temporal lobe tumor a few weeks ago. I grieve the losses he has suffered and continue to hope and pray he will beat this.

Again, I have to believe that he will. The joyful part is he still has the ability to crack me up with his special brand of humor. He's pretty amazing for one so young. He must beat this.

I know they will. There's is no alternative really... I need to believe T.J. will remain in my life, I refuse to believe C will leave me. They must not go... like Ray, literally or figuratively. I can't lose any more loved ones.

Am I being whiney and selfish? I haven't had nearly the loss that some people have had. I haven't lost a spouse/partner as Pat has. I haven't lost a child or a parent. But my losses are losses of my heart, never to be replaced. They are "holes", if you will, holes in my heart.

And from this moment on, I refuse to "lose" friends because of petty disagreements. Not from hurt feelings or emotional slights, no... no more. Be what you are able to be in my life, give what you can... but I will remain your friend... no matter what.

Thus the Duality I'm feeling.

"How are you, Peg" everyone asks. And I usually say, "I'm good", "I'm GREAT", "I'm the happiest I can ever remember being" and it's so, so true.

But I'm sad also, I'm lonely, I'm grieving, I'm impatient, I long for... I ache for ... oh, many things.

I feel pulled in different directions. I literally feel PULLED APART!

It's exhausting and disorienting.

wishes, hopes and dreams...

more than anything

one thing I want most of all

for you to need me

~

another of those stupid MySpace questionnaires...

My friend, T.J. has been recuperating at home from an illness and he gets really bored. He spends time answering a lot of those "getting to know your friends" surveys. And damn it... I can't seem to resist.

Just say NO!!!

But if you can't resist either.... copy and answer for yourself. (Let me know you did I'd like to read it on your blog when you're done.)



1. How late did you stay up last night and why? ~about 2am... that's pretty typical for me.

2. What was the first thing you thought when you got up? ~DAMN, gotta go to work.

3. What's your ringtone on your phone? ~there are certain ringtones for certain people... but the general one is JOY by Apollo 100, otherwise known as: Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring by
J.S. Bach

4. What did you do last night? ~had dinner with friends then watched TV and surfed the web.

5. Where do you work? ~where do I start? I work for Hanover County (and have forever) and I work as a massage therapist for Institute of Massage Therapies and I'm a motorcycle safety instructor for Motorcycle Safety Center of VA

6. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? ~yes, would like to think the one I'm in will last a good long while.

7. Do you own a stereo that costs more than £100? ~yeah, I guess.... how the hell much is that in DOLLARS?

8. Have you ever told someone of the opposite sex you loved them and meant it? ~many many times

9. How's your heart lately? ~ it's okay.... usually worn on my sleave and easily bruised.

10. What were you doing this morning at 7am? ~trying my damnedest to wake up

11. What were you doing this afternoon at 12pm? ~is that yesterday at 12pm? uh... getting ready to pick T.J. up.

12. What radio station do you listen to the most? ~XM radio and the station varies

13. What kind of music is it? ~didn't I say it VARIES!?!?!

14. What was the reason you last cried? ~ This week, a good friend died... electrocuted... a bad, bad week.

15. Have you ever talked to someone when they were high? ~who hasn't?.

16. Who was it? ~Which time?

17. What song is stuck in your head? ~Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring by Apollo 100 ... OH! WAIT... gotta answer my phone... brb.

18. Who was the last person you called? ~Mom... she didn't answer..what's up with that?

19. Who filled this out before you? ~Well, T.J. of course!

20. How many red lights have you ran? ~hopefully not that many.

21. Have you ever cried while taking a shower? ~hell yeah

22. What was your least favorite year at school? ~how the hell should I know.... they were okay.

23. What were you doing at 12am last night? ~some shit on the computer

26. When was the last time you were given a rose? ~I don't remember

27. Is there anything that you are craving right now? ~don't know.... but T.J. makes that Ensure sound mighty interesting!

28. When did your last hug take place? ~actually, my roommate thought I needed a hug this morning. Got several last night.

29. Do people ever make stupid mistakes when spelling or saying your name? ~Yes.

30. Have you ever started a sentence with "No offense, but..."? ~Yup

31. Do you drink tea? ~Yes... tons of it... hot or cold

32. When was the last time you saw a cop? ~Today

33. Did you ride in someone else's car today? ~not yet

34. Have you made a mistake this past week? ~I'm sure

35. What are you listening to right now? ~XM radio (Christmas music) and T talking to me on the phone

36. Who was the last person to text you? ~Gail

37. Do you miss someone? ~every minute I'm not with him.

39. Are you happy with your life? ~absolutely... I'm having a blast.

41. Is there a feeling you're trying to avoid? ~anxiety or angst... I try to be patient.

44. Are you sleeping somewhere other than home Saturday night? ~why? what have you heard?

45. What song makes you think of the person you like? ~Day is Done

And just don't ask where numbers 24, 25, 38, 40, 42 and 43 went! I don't have a clue.

Christmas lights

Christmas lights

haiku of lamenting...

what of my feelings?

are mine of little concern

am I the strong one?

~

Really, Officer...

I only had 2 beers!

sent from my iphone

Nuclear Reindeer?

I know this is hard to see, but in person it's downright freaky. It lights up
the whole neighborhood!

sent from my iphone.

To T.J. on the day of his surgery...

I pray for success

though religion's not my thing

begging I do well.

~

Quote of the Day... oh, the pain.

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option”

Damn, this one kinda hits me where I live! Ouch!

Karaoke night

My fav KJ Amanda started a new gig at a new restaurant in town called Highwater. It overlooks the Kanawa Canal in a part of the city known
as Shockoe Slip. Really cool place!

p
sent from my iphone.

Firepit

p
sent from my iphone.

iphone photos

p
sent from my iphone.

Fall Colors

p
sent from my iphone.

...

p

sent from my iphone.

Leaves

p

sent from my iphone.

Fall Colors

p

sent from my iphone.

from the MOVIES I SOMEHOW MISSED archive...

It's a holiday... Veterans Day. I really thought I was just gonna sit on my ass all day (one of my favorite past times) but I got a call from I.M.T. that I had a client this afternoon.

Well, that's good, really it is.

I did get some couch time in today. Watched this movie:

The Amati Girls

How did I miss this one... it was very good, Chick Flick I guess.

Then I watched this one (VERY different):

Land of the Blind

and we KNOW how much I like Ralph Fiennes! Definitely NOT a chick flick.