all good things come to those who wait...

yeah... right....

want to give you time

it doesn't work so well though

but I AM trying

~

new toy...

you were maybe hoping for a sex toy?? ... yeah, me too. No such luck, Lately!

anywho...

I just got this:

Blackberry 7100i

Now, you know, I really want an iPhone (who doesn't?)... but I do NOT want to go to Cingular. I wanted a Treo, but I do NOT want to change to Sprint (why the hell can't Sprint/Nextel get together on their equipment and services??). Basically, I like Nextel... Period. But the only options for devices like these are the Blackberry 7100i and the Blackberry 7520.

Do I NEED this phone? Probably not. But I really despised my other phone (the i850 by Motorola).

So far, I think I like the 7100i. Getting my email on my phone is pretty cool. There is no camera, but I didn't use it that much. Do kinda miss it though. It has bluetooth, that's cool.

I have this:

The one thing about this phone I really hate is that real audio ringtones are not supported, only monophonic & polyphonic tones. At least, they SAY that will be remedied in the next software version... yeah, right. I'm not holding my breath.

Continuing Education...

I'm in a weekend seminar, Medical Intuition Level I with Kim Seer.

MEDICAL INTUITIVE TRAINING
A practical hands-on series that provides skills you can use
immediately. Learn proven techniques on how to see into the physical body and its systems with incredible accuracy.
Find out with pinpoint precision what is causing the body’s imbalance. Learn specific methods and techniques to rectify illness and disease.
Hands-on experience overseen by highly trained Instructors.
Receive feedback on your accuracy.
Learn practical tools for the expansion of your intuition.
Advance your healing work to a higher level.
This training blends well with all modalities. No prior experience necessary.

I'll let you know what I think when the weekend is over.

Quote for the day...

I'm not afraid of dying. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

- Woody Allen

direction... please...

torture it is then

what is it you want from me?

begging for contact

~

talk to me...

some tortures I love

switches, paddles, ropes and chains

neglect is not one

~

'nagging' feeling...

what is your reason?

too unwilling to give it

that thing that I need.

~

lazy sunday...

sitting on my ass, watching movies...

now that's the way to spend a Sunday when you've been working and going to school non-stop.

Here's one of the best movies ever:

Frequency (2000)

A rare atmospheric phenomenon allows a New York City firefighter to communicate with his son 30 years in the future via short-wave radio. The son uses this opportunity to warn the father of his impending death in a warehouse fire, and manages to save his life. However, what he does not realize is that changing history has triggered a new set of tragic events, including the murder of his mother. The two men must now work together, 30 years apart, to find the murderer before he strikes so that they can change history--again. Written by {jgp3553@excite.com} via www.imdb.com
John Sullivan (Caviezel) is a New York City homicide officer who is traumatized for 30 years following the death of his father, Frank (Quaid), After finding Frank's HAM radio, John begins talking to Frank, 30 years into the future. Together, they change the past but have to find a way to stop a serial killer from murdering John's Mom & Frank's wife with a 30 year gap. Written by Ryan Harder {hotshotharder@hotmail.com} via www.imdb.com

If you haven't seen it, check it out!

what do I want?

dreams are just dreams, but...

no matter what my brain says

heart says otherwise

~

yearning...

only a week now

since I held you in my arms

I ache to see you

~

What is Wrong with..... this blog!?

NO, not MY Blog!

This One: What is Wrong With ..................YOU!?
I ran across it today and as far as I can tell... there is nothing wrong with it. In fact, it's quite good.
Specifically this post:
What is Wrong With.... The English Language...

Though I'm not as vehement as the author, I agree with much of what he writes.
Check it out... it's quite enjoyable.

Wishfulness...

what new dream is this?

to spend a night in your arms

oh, not new at all

~

Suspense...

and suspension...

just hanging around

waiting for you to call me

to go hang around

~

My bud, The Scholar, & "Hello Kitty"

A little known fact about my friend "The Scholar"...

he has a (not so) secret love for Hello Kitty.

Just for him, I found these (somewhat odd) Hello Kitty websites:
Hello Kitty Tarot Cards

Hello Kitty Credit Card

Hello Kitty Toaster

Hello Kitty String Thong

Hello Kitty Toilet Paper

Hello Kitty Crop Circle (!?)

Hello Kitty Fire Extinguisher

Hello Kitty Piracy?

The Hello Kitty Airstream RV

My all time favorite site, where you could purchase a Hello Kitty Vibrator has been disabled, but no worries... here is someone blogging about it!

Another Urban Dictionary word...

Another of "my" words has been approved:

Quike

I say "my" because someone else actually coined the term... my good friend "The Scholar". Ah hell, he's quite accustomed to people stealing from him. "The Saint" steals jokes from him all the time.

If you've got an ill, pop a pill...

CLICK THE PIC

Listening to John Prine...

... makes me think of you.

"Do you still like me?

Well I hope you do!"

Urban Dictionary entry...

Well, one of my words has finally been approved by the editors on Urban Dictionary! No, I don't get to approve my own words.

CELEBRATE!!

Celebrate WHAT, you ask? Well let's see... June 1st is

Stand For Children Day

Oscar the Grouch's Birthday

Donut Day

Hurricane Preparedness Sales Tax Holiday (??) - Florida

Dare Day

Flip a Coin Day

Hug your cat Day

Leave the office early Day

Pen Pal Day

Independence Day - Samoa

To name a few!

But what's more important... Today my hit-counter went to

10,000 !!!

Yea!

addiction, my only defense...

will this endless need,

my longing to hear your voice

push you far from me?

~

if there was a drug

to banish you from my soul

take it? no Never!

~

hunger, appetite,

my lust for you... if you will

my Achilles' heel

~

outta sight... outta mind...

so much on your mind?

as soon as our embrace ends

do you forget me?

~

to play or not to play...

the question, my dear

should fantasies stay just that

or bring them to light

~

Crucible of my soul...

Change is hard... sometimes it's downright painful. Saying goodbye to a relationship, even if it's toxic, is very difficult.
Perhaps I'm outgrowing some of the relationships I've had for many years. People I have loved are changing. Or are they? Maybe I was just blinded by my feelings for them. Maybe I am seeing exactly who they are (and have been?). I've been mocked by these people... people I've loved. They've talked behind my back and smiled to my face... well some have smiled, some have just stopped talking to me all together.
I still love them... oh, I really love them. I just don't always like them. And now it seems I'm feeling a kind of grief... a slow and tormenting grief... a Loss.
On life's journey we make friends, we exchange our gifts. Hopefully, those gifts are cherished.
Perhaps I expect too much from these relationships. Is it expecting too much to be cherished as I cherish them?
Really... Is it?

So, where are all those volunteers?

I've got to have 6 more guinea pigs... uh... I mean practice clients by July 1st. Where'd they all go?????

The Cone... and I don't mean Ice Cream....

Okay, I feel the need for a risque post.
It has been a while hasn't it? Yeah, I know... all this wellness, metaphysical and anatomy stuff. I know I'm kinda consumed. But hey, it's paying off - I got another 100 on a test last night!!

Anyway, back to the subject... I want this:

It's called The Cone.

Looks like a piece of modern coffee table art doesn't it?

The best part about the Cone, though, is that it makes people smile. They don't quite know what it is at first, but something about its unusual shape and maybe its color triggers that "I think it's naughty!" feeling. Then when you show them how it works, they all get this silly grin, and some start to giggle.

Regina Lynn - Wired online

What? Not really a risque post? Ah, well... maybe someone (hint hint) will buy it for me and then we'll see. Maybe I'll post a review.

missing you...

what consumes you now?

I'm the least of your's I feel...

Life's priorities

~

URBAN DICTIONARY

I'm now an editor at Urban Dictionary!

Urban Dictionary offers a daily dose of "useful translations" of hipster talk.
Atlanta Journal Constitution

Bodily functions and poetry...

Okay, I had to. Conley did it again. He's really on a roll lately.
I just love this one.


I haven't written any haiku lately, perhaps I should excrete a few.

Human Energy Field... go on... touch me!

Well, KittyCat...
You never cease to surprise me! Here I thought I had you figured out and then you knock my socks off again (if you're gonna do that, I wish you'd just take the rest of my clothes off me and then we can have some real fun). So, you can sense, feel, transfer bio energy? That's so damned cool!
I've recently started to see some auras... very very faintly, and only with some people. So I completely believe in the energy fields. But can I manipulate those fields? Hmm, maybe... but I have no real proof of it. People say I make them "feel" better. Is that simply massage of muscles? Or could it be a "massaging" of their energy fields as well? Someone once told me he could feel me massaging his aura... I was going over his body with my hands about 1/2 inch from his skin, a kind of experiment. I was more impressed that he could feel that. But I guess I was actually affecting his energy field in some way.

I KNOW I get energy from clients when I massage them. I feel much better physically when I massage. If I go days without massaging someone, I feel like I'm getting ill or at least I feel low on energy. But I, as yet, cannot actually FEEL that energy transfer.

I'm so jealous, KittyCat. When you touched me tonight... I felt a kind of tingling whether you were actively trying to take energy or give it. I felt a tingling along the sides of my face both times. I keep hearing that these metaphysical things can be learned. I sure hope so. I'm so willing to learn.

Keep surprising me, Girl! Knowledge is such a turn on!
Love you.

cat scan...

Get Fuzzy today is fabulous!

Comics.com is a great place for your daily comics. I get "Get Fuzzy" sent to my mail box everyday.

I also love 9 Chickweed Lane.

jus' checking...

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind,
"Pooh! ", he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing.", said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw.

"I just wanted to be sure of you"

~A.A. Milne

“... tintinnabulation that so musically wells ...

From the bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells..."

You know, I'm usually a very up-beat person. Happy, energetic... bubbly even (no! really).
But lately I've had a problem with allergies and Tinnitus and it's driving me a little batty. There is a constant humming in my head and I can't breathe (congestion I mean). It's starting to affect my personality a little. I'm not grumpy or anything but feeling a little, well... blue. And this morning I woke up with my heart AND my mind racing. It was the closest I've EVER gotten to a anxiety attack. Me? Stressed? No Way! When have I ever been stressed? Well, okay... there was that period when I was leaving my spouse and getting a divorce... but NOT NOW! I'm the happiest I've ever been. And until the last few weeks, the healthiest I've ever felt. Thank you Pollen! Allergies SUCK!

Have you noticed how many people don't REALLY want to know "How are you?". Do you think they REALLY want you to tell them what you think of this "beautiful day, isn't it?"? Nope.

The first day or two when you say you're not feeling well it's all "OH, poor dear... is there anything I can do to help?" But let it go on for a week or so.... oh no! Then it's "Uh, huh... well, sorry to hear that ... I gotta run"

Am I being too sensitive? No, not really... just being observant I think.

And believe me, I have very good friends who worry about me and check on me and want to bring me "chicken soup" (or reasonable facsimilies there of). Then there are the ones... some really important ones... who for one reason or another cannot DEAL with the pain/discomfort of others. Maybe because they are in pain themselves and don't want to be reminded.

And then there are the ones that revel in the angst. I guess because...

Misery still delights to trace Its semblance in another's case.

- William Cowper

But those "friends" are in a whole other category... and I'm too, uh, Up-beat to discuss them right now!

missing you...

It should be so clear

I am sitting here waiting

again, you just leave

~

The Tao of Pooh

"When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last,

"what's the first thing you say to yourself?"

"What's for breakfast? said Pooh.

"What do you say, Piglet?"

"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet.

Pooh nodded thoughtfully.

"It's the same thing," he said.

right place, right time...

"In the infinity of life where I am,
all is perfect, whole and complete.
I no longer choose to believe in old limitations and lack.
I now choose to begin to see myself
as the Universe sees me -- perfect, whole and complete.
The truth of my Being is that I was created
perfect, whole and complete.
I will always be perfect, whole and complete.
I now choose to live my life from this understanding.

I am in the right place at the right time, doing the right thing.
All is well in my world."

You Can Heal Your Life

by Louise L. Hay

Hello? Anyone out there?

where are you, my love?

is apartness the answer?

will you want me then?

~

The Client as Teacher...

After having completed 1000 massage sessions, the massage professional begins to own the information learned in school. After 5000 massage sessions, the massage professional has enough experience to begin to trust the process of massage. After 10,000 massages, the massage therapist allows the massage to happen. A master of massage has learned to respect the client and follow the client's lead. This takes years of practice.

from Mosby's Fundamentals of Therapeutic Massage by Sandy Fritz

I've done about 35 massages so far.....

BUDDHA

What we think, we become. Buddha

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it. Buddha

Every human being is the author of his own health or disease. Buddha

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. Buddha

In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west; people create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true. Buddha

It is a man's own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways. Buddha

Quote of the day...

"Variety is the soul of pleasure."

-Aphra Behn

down, down...

huge, monolithic

pain encompasses my thoughts

want is a cruel friend

~

down...

gloomy, dreadful thoughts

misery's my companion

just want happiness

~

let me help...

do i have to beg?

please let me try to assuage

some part of your pain

~

Virginia Tech

AN AWE INSPIRING PHOTO

(received in an email... so I don't know to whom I should give the credit)

constant craving....

is it bothersome?

forgive me for the wanting

I cannot change it

~

has she lost ALL her marbles?

(and after re-reading these disjointed ramblings... I think maybe I have!)

TODAY, it's so very unreal. The TERROR at Virginia Tech yesterday still rocks my world!

Okay, at the risk of sounding very Woohoo, "Out There"...

I'm coming to some rather interesting (shall I say, weird?) realizations about myself of late.
I'm not even sure I can articulate them properly yet. There is one word resonating in my head.

EMPATHIC

And more specifically - Physical Oneness: feeling what is physically going on in another person's body in one's own body

It seems that I tend to take on some of a person's pain when I'm in contact with them. I've been presented with more and more evidence of this, but is it my imagination?

I keep asking that. I just don't know. When it comes to all the "metaphysical" stuff... I've always come up short. I just didn't FEEL it. So, is it wishful thinking? I don't think so, but I'm still openly skeptical.

It's so strange how life works, how things come to be. I have to wonder if (when?) I would have seen these things in myself if I had not taken this path. And that PATH! How life brought me here... and the people who led me here... it's all so amazing.

I know I've said it before, but I'll keep saying it. Coming to school... to all my new sisters/friends... it's the BEST thing that I have ever done for myself.

To help others is the ultimate goal... but I never dreamed how much it would help ME.

So... back to yesterday's events:
I have been out of sorts since Friday evening. Really, oddly "out of sorts",

"Not Right", "Funky".

I thought it was just because I massaged a client that evening who was having a real hard time of it (emotionally)... couldn't lie still, couldn't relax, very WIRED.

Yesterday I chatted with a good friend and she was describing feelings she had been having and that they were the same feelings she had just before Columbine...
It's all too weird for me... but there it is!

WHAT have I been feeling? I don't know... but I know that right now I'm feeling incredible feelings of hurt, bewilderment and GREAT relief.

The relief is due to the fact that OUR GIRL, Jackie is okay. Jackie is the daughter of very good friends and fellow club members. We (the so called Clique) all feel like we've helped to raise her and we were all so very proud when she was accepted at Virginia Tech. And she's OKAY. She called her parents yesterday morning and I got an email from her last night.

We can't wait to "wrap our arms" around her.

Reading list...

From the Publisher

With the clarity of a physicist and the compassion of a gifted healer with fifteen years of professional experience observing 5,000 clients and students, Barbara Ann Brennan presents the first in-depth study of the human energy field for people who seek happiness, health and their full potential.

Our physical bodies exist within a larger "body," a human energy field or aura, which is the vehicle through which we create our experience of reality, including health and illness. It is through this energy field that we have the power to heal ourselves.

This energy body -- only recently verified by scientists, but long known to healers and mystics -- is the starting point of all illness. Here, our most powerful and profound human interactions take place, the precursor and healer of all physiological and emotional disturbances.

in my dreams...

will it ever be?

can there be more time for us

pray you want that too

~

प्राणायाम - pranayama

breathe in the life force

universal energy

damn these allergies!

~

outta sight, outta mind?

where is my craved word?

why must it always be thus?

I act, you react

~

vernal haiku...

ah spring, dearest friend

won't you come, sit for a while?

i've really missed you.

~

Book report, Lucid Dreaming and breath control...

T and I are into reading all this self-help stuff lately. T is reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne

and I'm reading Meditation As Medicine, Activate The Power of Your Natural Healing Force by Dharma Singh Khalsa, M.D.

... I thought you guys might be interested in this from that book:

Regarding Stephen LaBerge's research at Stanford University on Lucid Dreaming.

LaBerge finds the best way to learn or facilitate lucid dreaming is to ask himself, Am I Dreaming? while he's dreaming.

"[He] has found the best way to remember to ask this question is to ask the same question while awake, many times each day.
When people do this, he says, they frequently find that they are not dreaming but are not fully awake either - they are sleepwalking through their daily activities, only partly conscious of what they're doing. In this condition, their subconscious mind is often dominant, but not in a healthy way. It's often racing from one thought to another. Very frequently, these thoughts are fearful and anxious, because people, neurologically programmed for survival, are constantly looking for the next threat. Posing the question, Am I Dreaming? however, snaps people out of their anxious daydreams and reawakens them to real life."

Why am I telling you this? Not because I think we need to learn Lucid Dreaming (though I bet SE wishes she could... then she could go back and re-start that dream she was shaken out of last week... hehe). Anywho... it's because I believe most of us "sleep-walk" through our daily lives. How many times have you driven to work and you weren't able to recall the specifics of the drive? We do it every weekday, every week, every year....... over and over.

As part of the exercise that LaBerge prescribes is to try to remember to touch the frame of every door through which he walks as he asks himself, Am I Dreaming?
When not asleep, this door-touching exercise wakes you up to life, by making you conscious of even the most simple acts... like, walking through a door.
Are you sleepwalking through much of your existence? Try LaBerge's exercise, try touching door frames.
You will probably find that it's not that easy.... we are most often going through the motions of our lives, with very little conscious attention to the details. Most of us are struggling (consciously and unconsciously) with worries of the future and of past actions that we cannot change. We rarely notice the only truly real time... the NOW. Touching door frames is just an example and a good way to get started, but you can do it with so many "mundane" things. While brushing your teeth, filling out paperwork at the office... I was doing it while at lunch, (fork to mouth, read, take a sip of tea, fork to mouth.... Am I Dreaming?). You may be surprised at the details you notice that are NOT so mundane after all.

"The ancient yoga masters were also extremely concerned about the common human condition of sleepwalking through life. They devised their own system of overcoming it, a system that has endured for centuries, because it works on so many levels. The system they devised for learning to control the uncontrollable, and to become conscious, was the control of breath.

The control of breath is the foundation of advanced meditation. It is the doorway to consciousness."

And I guess that's a discussion for another day!

useful PC utility...

Is your mouse calibrated?
You should do this every few days.
More often if you spend a lot of time on computer.
I was shocked to see that this works!

To re-calibrate your mouse, click and hold on the Y below.
Then drag the Y toward the G.
If it doesn't work, you might want to clean your mouse.

Y ou dumb ass. You'll believe anythinG

...fertile virgin?

Mnemonic - a memory aid. "One common mnemonic for remembering lists consists of an easily remembered word, phrase, or rhyme whose first letters are associated with the list items."

While taking a class which requires lots of memorization... one might make up poems or such to remember a list of things. We had several mnemonics to remember lists in our Anatomy and Physiology class.

One mnemonic was:

"Oh, oh, oh... to touch a fertile virgin; gives virgin some happiness"

for the 12 Cranial Nerves:

I - Olfactory (Sensory)

II- Optic (Sensory)

III - Oculomotor (Motor)

IV- Trochlear (Motor)

V - Trigeminal (both)

VI - Abducens (Motor)

VII - Facial (both)

VIII - Vestibulocochlear(Sensory)

IX - Glossopharyngeal (both)

X - Vagus (both)

XI - Spinal Accessory (Motor)

XII - Hypoglossal (Motor)

The mnemonic for their functions was:

"Some say marry money but my brother says big boobs matter more"

We're learning some Eastern Philosophy now and I'm trying to come up with a mnemonic for the 12 main Meridians (acupuncture, acupressure, shiatsu, etc).

The Main Meridians are:

1) Lung 2) Lg. Intestine 3) Stomach 4) Spleen 5) Heart 6) Sm. Intestine 7) Bladder 8) Kidney 9) Pericardium 10) Triple Heater 11) Gall bladder 12) Liver

My mnemonic so far is:

"Luke likes stopping speeders. He silently blames kids, people traversing garish lives. "

This used the first two letters of each word. Can you come up with another one for me??

The more risque the better. I'll bet Ct4s can come up with a great one!!

WooHoo, I'm rich!

My blog is worth $16,371.66.
How much is your blog worth?

Okay, maybe not....

pensive moments

am I ever missed?

just the way that I miss you

time crawls slowly on

~

"...with both hands."

"Hold a true friend with both hands." ---African Proverb

Things change and life moves forward. People change and drift apart. Allegiances are fleeting. Alliances are made and broken on a whim.
It sucks but it seems that it must be true. I had thought that true friendship lasts forever but it appears that I was an idealist or maybe just confused.
Maintenance of friendship... real friendship, takes work on both sides and I guess some are unwilling or unable to invest the time and effort required. Or perhaps they are too unhappy with themselves to put forth that effort. Superficial friendships or, better yet, acquaintances are easier but are they satisfying?
No matter what I think about my own personality I know that I am a loyal friend. That doesn't keep me from being hurt. I guess not everyone appreciates the virtue. Perhaps I'm too loyal... if there is such a thing. Still, I have no plans to change, at least in that respect.

So few people have the capacity to hurt me. Most of the ones that could... don't even THINK of doing such a thing. I'm blessed with several wonderful friends. Why then can those few make me cry? And why would they want to? And why do I still care about them?
I find it hard to believe they aren't aware that their actions are so hurtful. Do they care?
Or are they just so wrapped up in their problem lives that they just don't think of any one's feelings but their own?

"It is lack of love for ourselves that inhibits our compassion toward others. If we make friends with ourselves, then there is no obstacle to opening our hearts and minds to others." ---Pema Chodron

Yes! Come in!

Yes, I know it's not officially spring yet but I awoke today to warm temperatures and high spirits and a desire to sow some "wild oats".
Okay, that last part isn't rare... but it's so nice to see spring-like weather.

What's it like where you are?

scratching at the door
asking politely. come in!
welcome home, Springtime
~

Morning (Spring) by Maxfield Parrish

buy this at allposters.com

Anatomy & Physiology update...

Hey! I got a 100 on my A & P final exam!! WooHoo!

Now, Anatomy & Physiology class is over.... Yippee... I have my Wednesday evenings back again.
Of course, Massage classes are still going on. I'm half way through, but Massage is infinitely more interesting than Anatomy. Okay, maybe Anatomy isn't Uninteresting... but it is less exciting than Massage Class.

There was extra credit on the exam... draw a diagram of the heart and label the chambers, valves, etc and illustrate with arrows the flow of blood through the heart.
I drew an awesome heart, it was gorgeous... maybe I can scan it for you. I'm sure you're looking forward to THAT... haha

Well, I'm hitting the sack... maybe I can sleep without dreaming of muscle sarcomeres, cell mitochondria and various bones of the hand (ie. scaphoid, lunate, triquetral, pisiform, trapezium, trapezoid, capitate, hamate).
Here's a good quiz website for A & P.

By the way...

I have an Anatomy & Physiology final Exam tonight!

Wish me luck!

Build ups and Let downs...

Wow, I had such plans for yesterday.

I had a client coming for a scheduled massage... well, that was cancelled.

I was planning to get laid!.... nope, that didn't happen.

I ended up joining my "girls" for dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings.
Now, mind you... I love hanging with my Girl Posse'. They are the greatest! But, it wasn't what I had my mind and body all worked up for...

Ah well, there's always next time.

Look what I found...

It's amazing what you find when you do a simple web search.
Search on something innocent like "gravity inversion boots" and you might find:

Creative Corrections

Look at the author's name! Do you think this could be my long lost (evil) twin?

Hmmm...

Algolagnia...

While writing the last post, I learned a new medical term -

Algolagnia = Sexual gratification derived from inflicting or experiencing pain.

And I take offense at Wikipedia's definition that it's a Sexual Disorder!!

Pain, it's not just for breakfast anymore...

I have a test tonight (YES, another test)... it's on Chapter 4 in our Massage text book. Chapter 4 is entitled "The Scientific Art of Therapeutic Massage".

Key terms in this chapter:
Breathing pattern disorder, Centering, Circulation, Compression, Connective Tissue, Conservation withdrawal, Cortisol (THAT should generate some hits!), Counterirritation, Dopamine, Dynorphins, Endorphins, Enkephalins, Entrainment, Entrapment, Epinephrine/adrenaline, Gate Control Theory, General Adaptation Syndrome (Fight-or-Flight), Growth Hormone

As you can see, the chapter is basically about pain and pain management.

Does anyone else see the irony in ME studying how to REDUCE pain? But of course, those of us described as... hmm, well... masochists(?), pain-fetishists(?) - we like CERTAIN pains while others are not desirable. And most of us, at least aren't sadists (though SOME are switches)...
I have little desire to inflict pain on anyone... unless they want me to... heh. And even then, it's not really in my nature.
So I guess massage really is the career for me.

While studying Chapter 4 in class, we discussed the section called "Hyperstimulation Analgesia"(part of the gate control theory).
Which is described as diminishing the perception of a sensation (pain) by stimulating large-diameter nerve fibers. The premise is that the "large-diameter" nerve fiber sensations take precedence over the small-diameter ones.

The last sentence in the section states: "In recent years transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation (TENS) has become a popular method of producing hyperstimulation analgesia"
Boy, oh boy..... that sentence alone had me tingling ALL OVER!

i want my endogenous opioids...

touch... yes, touch is key

be it gentle or intense

pain is relative

~

will you talk to me

my desperation begs it

can you spare the time?

~

identity...

true friend or playmate

what is my place in your life?

I often wonder

~

let's get something straight...

Folks,
Didn't I say from the very beginning that these were my "Ramblings"? This blog is my outlet, my journal, if you will. As I've said, it is a therapeutic way to step outside my own opinions and views to try and see things from other perspectives. It's a repository of my thoughts and my poems and for things I've found that touch me.
Yes, it's in a public forum, it's meant to be read. And I hope it is entertaining... at least some of the time. Maybe it makes you think about similar situations in your life... I hope it gives you a fresh perspective. I'd appreciate it if you tell me when it does.
I used to write (you know, pen and paper?) in a journal. But after a few weeks, that would fall by the wayside. By having this venue... where other's expect me to say something on a somewhat regular basis... this has helped me to help myself... emotionally. And believe me, I thank you so much for reading.

Sometimes, I will write a discussion I need to have with myself to work through some emotions I'm dealing with. Sometimes, it's a discussion I'd like to be having with someone in my life.... as with the last post.

If I write about happenings in my life, I will of course change many things to protect "the innocent" as I know there are a few people reading that actually know me.
Don't believe for a minute you KNOW the people involved... you may suspect... then again, perhaps that is what I want you to do... my form of misdirection. Oh how very surprised some people would be if they new all my truths. Very surprised indeed. You might find you don't know me at all.

By way of an example, read On The Need For Protective Equipment... now, you don't really think that's about Safety Equipment do you?? Come, now...

It seems the last post struck some kind of nerve with Anonymous.
Anon, I'm sorry if I upset you in some way... but, What the heck do you care? What do you know about the situation? Do you know me?
As I see it, the only people in the blogosphere that would have any idea of which I was writing are the principle players... that would be the person I'm speaking TO and the person I was speaking ABOUT, the one who "has been seen in a bad light" (who, by the way, knows what I wrote and approves).
If, Anon, you are who I suspect you to be.... you of ALL people know what it means to have a place to vent your feelings, frustrations, loves, hates, etc. You said, "perhaps you should mind your own business..." Hmm, I thought that's what I was doing. I was writing about a frustrating situation in my life as well as in the life of someone I care deeply about. Or should I say, Someones... because I care very much about both of these people. I always have.
Anon, your's was a pretty hostile response. If, by chance, you are the person to whom I was writing... I'll ask you the same, why not say it to my face?
If you are not that person, then I ask... Is it YOUR business?

Happy Bunny says,

Betrayal of Trust...

Wikipedia says:
Betrayal
-as a form of deception or dismissal of prior presumptions, is the breaking or violation of a presumptive social contract (trust, or confidence) that produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship amongst individuals, between organizations or between individuals and organizations. Often betrayal is the act of supporting a rival group, or it is a complete break from previously decided upon or presumed norms by one party from the others.

When you have tremendous respect for someone and they do something to break your trust... that is the ultimate Loss.

Perhaps my trust was simply misplaced. Perhaps you never deserved that trust. Perhaps you misrepresented yourself from the very beginning or maybe I saw what I wanted to see. But I am not alone. Several of your friends believed better of you and now feel the loss. I know all the people you work with believe you're "made of gold". Can it be that the pressure of living up to THAT is causing you to let the rest of us down?

Now, you've allowed one of us to be seen in a bad light... you've allowed it because YOU know the truth and have not spoken up.

Here's my suggestion... you can say, "It was meant to be a joke." "I didn't mean for it to get out of hand" "I didn't want anyone else blamed"
How's that? Pretty simple isn't it? Please, do the right thing!

email...

"Have I told you lately that one day I am going to tie you firmly, spank you and..."

Oh, how I just love it when emails start out that way!!!!

Transference, Countertransference & Dual Roles

Oh, the discussions I have in my own head...
and no, I'm not saying I talk to myself... yes, you do ... no I don't... yes... no..


Wikipedia says:

In a therapy context, transference refers to redirection of a client's feelings from a significant person to a therapist. Transference is often manifested as an erotic attraction towards a therapist. Although transference is often characterized as a useful tool for building trust between a client and a therapist, transference can also interfere with a therapist’s ability to help a client.
Counter-transference is defined as redirection of a therapist's feelings toward a client, or more generally as a therapist's emotional entanglement with a client. Some therapists become confused between clients and intimate partners if countertransference is not recognized and appropriately addressed by the therapist.

and then there's "Dual Roles" or "Dual Relationships"

One source says:

A dual relationship exists when a therapist serves in the capacity of both therapist and at least one other role with the same client. Most commonly the second relationship is social, financial, or professional and may be concurrent
or subsequent to the therapeutic relationship.

Another says:

Besides sex with a client, other examples of dual relationships are engaging in therapy with a friend, a student, a colleague or a business associate. Additional forms of dual relationships might be such shared activities as attending the same church, belonging to the same social club or recreational sports league, attending the same conferences or political rallies.

So, my question is... What do you do about Dual Relationships?
In many cases, you may have a relationship with someone BEFORE you become their therapist.
Now I can see how, in the world of medicine or psychotherapy, you should NOT take a friend or loved one as a client (though we know it happens). But what about other forms of therapy? Physical Therapy/Rehabilitation? Massage Therapy? Other wellness therapies? Where exactly should you draw the line?
In my own experience, as a massage therapy student... it's a given that I have friends/family as my first (practice) clients. And it's conceivable that they may very well remain my clients.

How Do You Avoid Transference/Countertransference?
I've experienced transference in my own life. Then again... HAVE I?
Is it automatically considered transference if you become "involved" with an authority figure?
If I become friends with a therapist, a coach, a teacher or perhaps a supervisor... is it Transference? absolutely? Might I have become friends with the individual if I'd met them in some other environment? I make friends all the time, it's just who I am.
It seems the very nature of the term Transference means you're projecting past feelings and experiences ONTO this new individual. I don't believe I've ever done that. Have I? I become close to someone because we "click". Emotionally, physically... whatever.

We're human! We're taught to LOVE our clients. How can you attempt to help someone heal if you do not? How can you make someone FEEL better? How can you ever transfer any energy, warmth, "good vibes" if you do NOT love them?

How then can it NOT become personal?

Ah, life's delicious duality!

code words...

I say lots of things... and I say them often...
"I love you"... yup, I say that a lot. There are several people I do, Truly love.
"I want you"... uh huh.... there is someone that I want... almost all of the time.
"How are you feeling today?"... and when I say it, I really mean it.
"I care about you", "I'd like to help", "How can I make it better?", "I'm listening"
I call often, I text often, I email often.... okay, maybe too often. So sue me...

BUT when I say, "i need a hug" it's a kind of code. I don't say it that often... and I don't say it to many people.
It's code for "I'm hurting", "I need a shoulder to cry on", "I need comforting", "I need someone who really cares about me"

almost human now

striving to overcome it

despair's a deep pit

~

How is it that you can fix physical pain so well, but are so unwilling to deal with emotional pain?? Your's, mine, anyones?

deep sigh...

Today, I'm feeling.... kinda.....

Main Entry: wist·ful
Pronunciation: 'wist-f&l
Function: adjective
Etymology: blend of wishful and obsolete English wistly intently
1 : full of yearning or desire tinged with melancholy; also : inspiring such yearning, a wistful memoir
2 : musingly sad : PENSIVE
- wist·ful·ly /-f&-lE/ adverb
- wist·ful·ness noun

Not sure why really... I guess I'm coming down off my Weekend High.
And I was so high over the weekend.
It was, Joyous!

chick flick?

"I have to ask you a question. It's a good one so think about it. If two people love each other, but they just can't seem to get it together, when do you get to that point of enough is enough?"

hmmmm?

my time...

relax, touch by touch

we got part of the way through

but something came up

~

I'm stupid...

"I am not sure if you understand the system" = "You're stupid"

Okay, maybe you didn't say I was stupid... but you know it felt that way.

As the song says: "Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes..."

I asked you a question. There was no whining involved, no accusations... just a simple question. And the request wasn't even FOR ME! So why then did your response sound like you were sending me on a guilt trip?

You know, I answered your email. I responded to every line. I even typed it out and printed it. It wasn't pretty. Then I tore it up. It was cathartic.

Just like this blog. It's a purgative (figuratively of course!), an emotional cleansing.

Blogging/journaling helps me to "step outside" myself and try to see things from a different perspective.

So, if I look at your email again through "other" eyes... It seems to me the guilt trip might be yours. You're pulled in several directions at once. You are so consumed with helping people... you feel guilty when you can't help everyone. I'm thinking the manifestation of your feelings aren't exactly appropriate, but when do any of us respond appropriately to that kind of stress?
By manifestations, I guess I mean you acting as if I'm causing some affront just by asking. I mean, can't I read your mind for god's sake?

You work all the time. You never plan time for yourself. That is a big mistake. You must set aside some time for yourself... but why listen to me? I'm stupid... remember?

You signed it, "Love you"

Well, you know what? I LOVE YOU TOO.

I'm a store owner...

I finally bit the bullet and started my own cafepress store. Okay, be warned... it is kinda esoteric. My first product is inspired by my quest for knowledge... specifically anatomy. It's rather "tongue-in-cheek".
I also created a store for my Massage School.
You can access them separately or you can use this LINK to see all the products at both stores.

Today is: 2007年1月2日 星期二 丙戌年十一月十四

Happy New Year!

Of course, that's by the Gregorian Calendar...

the Chinese New Year begins on 2/18/2007

Okay, so I'm a day late. I was vegging yesterday.
I have a big muscle test on Thursday and was I studying? Nope, I feel really bad about that but I just sat on my ass most of the day. I did do a little cleaning and some laundry... but mostly just watched TV. Actually, I do pretty well with the ole Last Minute CRAM for the EXAM, but I'd like to say my new year's resolution is to study more this year. We'll see.

and one for today...

give me a kiss, and to that kiss a score;

then to that twenty,

add a hundred more; a thousand to that hundred:

so kiss on, to make that thousand up a million. treble that million, and when that is done, let's kiss afresh,

as when we first begun!

-robert herrick

Quote for the day...

life is too important to be taken seriously. -oscar wilde

Subtle changes...

we all have a place
dank, ugly... in our souls, but
Light holds it at bay
~

It really is amazing, the changes a class can make in your life... in your attitudes, your desires, your outlook on life! I feel myself changing in so many ways, some subtle and some more profound.
Okay, maybe a simple class doesn't really DO that. I mean, a quilting or pottery class might not produce noticeable changes in your personality. However, studying subjects in the medical field, alt. medicine and other "caregiver" subjects... is affecting me in unexpected ways.

In my younger years, I wouldn't have dreamed of wanting to put my hands on anyone I wasn't very close to. This started changing in the past few years due to some wonderful people that came into my life... but I still never thought of really Touching strangers. Now (and it didn't take long) I crave it. Not in a weird way... really! I crave the human connection, the energy transfer and I crave the feeling I get when I help someone feel better. I was surprised and amazed at how much better I feel, physically and emotionally, when I GIVE a massage.
That's pretty profound... I think!

As for the more subtle changes?
Ah well... this I've really noticed recently... in the last few days actually.

I've mentioned someone abruptly dropping out of my life. Not physically... this person is still present and accounted for, but pulled away from me... me the confidant, the "soul mate". I was the one they turned to to talk it all out. I was the sounding board. Then POOF, gone! No deep discussions, no confiding, no crying on my shoulder... We still saw each other. We went out with friends and we "chatted" but it wasn't the same... and I was HURT.
When we had confided, I tried to be supportive and not judge. I tried to be the good friend. I do remember telling this person that they needed to find a way to change things... they were SO unhappy, really deep down, "bone weary" sad. I wanted to help. NO, I wanted to be THE ONE to help. And it was killing me that this friend was still living in unhappiness AND not availing themselves of MY friendship. Wow, how arrogant was I?

Lately, I (and others) have noticed changes in this person. I've noticed there is no longer the constant scowl, there is a more upbeat tone to the voice and a more outgoing personality. We had a email conversation the other day and I came out and asked this person if they were happy. The answer was "I am happy. Very happy..." My first impulse was... "geez, is _____ trying to convince themselves or me?" But Wait, Peg! Wait just one damned minute......
What was the FIRST thing you learned in massage classes?

A person's pain is THEIR pain. It doesn't matter what I think about their pain. It doesn't matter if I think it would not be painful at all... to ME. MY opinion about THEIR pain is irrelevant... absolutely and totally, irrelevant! So, wouldn't the same thing be true of happiness? If they say they are happy.... then that's what they are and I have no right... NO RIGHT... to question it.

And hell! I was the one, after all that said, "you need to find a way to be happier". So, did I really want their happiness? Or did I want to be the crutch?
Ah HAH! Self-revelation isn't always pretty.

Well, be assured, My Love... I am thrilled things are working out for you and that you're happy. I'm still here and I love you dearly. And I apologize!

sooooo much going on...

Just wanted to stop in and tell you all that I'm alive and well. Things are so hectic right now. Tomorrow evening I will be evaluated on my massage routine, then I can go out and work with my practice clients. Cross your fingers that I pass that!! Tonight I have a test on the Nervous System in Anatomy class... oh goody (she says facetiously).

And NOW I have to go to work! Wow I'm tired already...