Peg, why the sigh?...

Well, since you asked:

I blogged that AFTER all your phone calls... the sigh is because of the pain and annoyance you were causing. Sigh also because of all the things I wanted to say on MY BLOG... but I couldn't 'cause I knew you're were reading it now. I wanted to rail against the hurt you're causing. I was still trying to NOT cause you any more pain than is necessary.

Yes, I have what I wanted... not because I wanted my marriage to end... not because I craved a single life... but because I couldn't live any longer the way I was living... because I could NOT wake up anymore dreading what kind of mood I'd find you in.

I realized this morning while driving down the road, I don't RUSH anymore. I used to be in a rush because if I'd go somewhere (a store, for example) and do what I do... just roam around and enjoy myself... I'd have to then RUSH home because you'd be impatient or you'd be assuming I was doing something I shouldn't be doing.

In the last year, I tried to stop doing that... I tried to TAKE back the ME that I am... to do what makes me happy (sit at Starbucks just relaxing, for example) AND keep my marriage... but it didn't work. And so here I am, on my way to being single... even if it's not ultimately what I wanted it IS what I've chosen. Am I happy? Not yet... but I do feel that's where I'm headed. I am content...

Starting now... I will write what I want on MY BLOG. I'm taking that back too!