Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Decisions, decisions!

itty bitty Buddha on my PC

Why, you ask, do I collect Buddhas?

What? you didn't ask? ... uh, my mistake.

Actually, I have absolutely no idea. I'm just drawn to them. Someone tell me what that means please.

Another of my Buddha

yeah, so that's sitting on top of my Vepco/VA Power/Dominion (am I showing my age?) meter box. I figure I need all the help I can get!

Monday, April 12, 2010

The time for truth is at hand...

So, this person is still avoiding me. Oh, I've gotten the occasional email saying he's alive but that's about it. I've asked for a phone call, to no avail.

Are you ashamed to call me? Are you too hurt to call? Is it that you just don't want anything to do with me anymore??

I only have evidence that you no longer care that I care. Or perhaps you enjoy the fact that your pain causes ME pain. Is that it? Does it make you feel better in some way that I still feel for you?? Is that how you get your relief?

Do you care that I can feel your pain even when you don't talk to me? Do you give a good goddamn about anything anymore?? Maybe just your little princess?

Perhaps you just don't deserve my friendship. What do YOU think?

I'd really like to know.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

S. M. stands for Stud Muffin...

Friend first!

Lover? quite possibly.

You try my patience, you challenge my sense of humor, you push my buttons, you make me laugh, you bruise my feelings, you warm my heart... after all these years I'm finding you irresistible!

The world is a strange and wonderful place.

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Not happy

I am broken...

It took me a while to be able to actually write this down... I guess if I can, maybe just maybe I'll be okay.


Well it appears I've been a real fool. I've been betrayed by several people. Worst of all my best friend...

My gullibility is devastating.

My "friend" has lied to me about so many things, not the least of which was that I was "the best friend" he's "ever had". And you have no idea the things I've done for him... the things I've done to help him... things I've done to protect him.

I don't know if I can ever forgive this man. I trusted him. I trusted him to do so many things to me which I would never have dreamed of letting anyone else do. I let him see a side of me that no one has ever seen. And now I don't know if I can ever let anyone else see me that way. Maybe I will not be able to let anyone else "In".

I never thought I wanted anything in return for the things I did for him. BUT, I was wrong... I DID want something in return. Of course I wanted his love but I really wanted his loyalty. I wonder if I ever had that.

Did I? Did I ever have your loyalty? Did you ever really care? I wish you'd answer these questions... I really do.

More Violet!!!