Tuesday, April 17, 2007

has she lost ALL her marbles?

(and after re-reading these disjointed ramblings... I think maybe I have!)

TODAY, it's so very unreal. The TERROR at Virginia Tech yesterday still rocks my world!

Okay, at the risk of sounding very Woohoo, "Out There"...

I'm coming to some rather interesting (shall I say, weird?) realizations about myself of late.
I'm not even sure I can articulate them properly yet. There is one word resonating in my head.

And more specifically - Physical Oneness: feeling what is physically going on in another person's body in one's own body

It seems that I tend to take on some of a person's pain when I'm in contact with them. I've been presented with more and more evidence of this, but is it my imagination?

I keep asking that. I just don't know. When it comes to all the "metaphysical" stuff... I've always come up short. I just didn't FEEL it. So, is it wishful thinking? I don't think so, but I'm still openly skeptical.

It's so strange how life works, how things come to be. I have to wonder if (when?) I would have seen these things in myself if I had not taken this path. And that PATH! How life brought me here... and the people who led me here... it's all so amazing.

I know I've said it before, but I'll keep saying it. Coming to school... to all my new sisters/friends... it's the BEST thing that I have ever done for myself.

To help others is the ultimate goal... but I never dreamed how much it would help ME.

So... back to yesterday's events:
I have been out of sorts since Friday evening. Really, oddly "out of sorts",

"Not Right", "Funky".

I thought it was just because I massaged a client that evening who was having a real hard time of it (emotionally)... couldn't lie still, couldn't relax, very WIRED.

Yesterday I chatted with a good friend and she was describing feelings she had been having and that they were the same feelings she had just before Columbine...
It's all too weird for me... but there it is!

WHAT have I been feeling? I don't know... but I know that right now I'm feeling incredible feelings of hurt, bewilderment and GREAT relief.
The relief is due to the fact that OUR GIRL, Jackie is okay. Jackie is the daughter of very good friends and fellow club members. We (the so called Clique) all feel like we've helped to raise her and we were all so very proud when she was accepted at Virginia Tech. And she's OKAY. She called her parents yesterday morning and I got an email from her last night.

We can't wait to "wrap our arms" around her.

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