delusional?

to voice it out loud
or believe it in your mind
doesn't make it so
~

confusion...

why have you left me?
in heart, not reality
what did i do wrong?
~

today's tragedy...

you tell me lies, love
for my own good? or for yours?
please don't let this last.
~

Just set up iphone to post to blog! Technology, I just love it.
Just in time for my long weekend at the beach. I'm heading to Sandbridge, VA. Can't wait!

fool, foolish, foolhardy...

the one you pine for...

does she feel the way I do?

do you wait for her?

~

a long, long weekend...

enduring silence

why must it torture me thus?

deign to call me, please.

~

Validation

this is more than 16 minutes long... but you Must watch it. It's fabulous!
Too bad we can't start each day by watching this.

Nurturing the Mother Certification...

FINALLY! I didn't think this certification would EVER arrive!

Nurturing the Mother is a peri-natal massage certification from Claire Marie Miller Seminars, Inc. in Chapel Hill, NC.

that voodoo you do so well...

Another strange thing has happened to me lately. It seems many strange and wonderful things have happened since I began the "alt med" journey in 2006. I'm not sure this one is so wonderful. I've explained about the empathic "thing", perhaps this is an extension of that.

Some background: I have two people in my life who are very important to me. Well, one is the most important (let's call that one VIP #1), the other (VIP #2?)... I thought the other was important, important to me anyway. VIP #2 disappeared at some point, just kinda backed out of my life (geez, is this a theme?).

It seems now that VIP #2 is back, in all honesty they never left #1's life, just mine. Soooo, #2 is back. Here's the thing, the "voodoo" thing... I now FEEL... vibes (?). I mean things I've not been told but things that seem to turn out correct none the less. Things like... I'm being "handled". It's like...ummmm... peg needs to be controlled YET we don't want to lose her... so we "Handle" her. Like I'm being discussed. There is no concrete evidence to prove any of this yet I know deep down inside that what I'm feeling is correct, it's valid. Is this making any sense? No, I guess not. (Actually sounds a little like paranoia doesn't it? ... damn!)

VIP #1 however, says "No", "Absolutely Not", "You're being silly". I also know that these words are meant to protect me not harm. It doesn't change the fact that I know I'm right. But, what to do about it? I could throw a temper-tantrum and put all my fears and dreams out there... but to what end? Should I just return to being the happy playmate and just enjoy them? That's my inclination. But it's still... there...

You know, it's terribly annoying to wear your feelings on your sleeve all the freakin' time. I'm also starting to wonder if my newfound talents are good for me. I'm going to have to figure out some sort of BALANCE... AND SOON!

what is this new gift?

what voodoo has taken hold,

to give me insight?

~

something's changed...

that thread that binds us
seems to be more tenuous
have I lost your love?
~

Today's winner "Made Me Laugh Award"...

wishes, hopes and dreams...

to speak it would be,

to voice my heart's one desire

could cause too much pain.

~

feelin' needy...

how do I endure?
I'd be a fool to say it
want you in my life
~

Tib/Fib break...

I wanna walk now
too long sitting on my ass
fractures suck big time!
~

ad·dic·tion : \ə-ˈdik-shən, a-\ ...

what did you expect?
you made me fall in love, dear
hope you still want me
~

Lap companion

WHY? I never....

I took one of those silly quizzes on Facebook:

What is Your
Sexual Personality?
You are a SEXUAL DEVIANT!

Wow. You. Are. A. FREAK! Can I get your number? Seriously call me.
As personalities go, you out-freak, out-sex, out-lust 98% of the worldwide population.
i wish sex produced food, because you would feed all of rural China.

OKAY... I have nothing to say to that...

the process of healing...

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu

Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)

Okay, here's to steppin' real soon!! I can't wait. The surgeon, Dr. Weiss, says he will let me put weight on my leg at my next appointment. That will be February 9th. I sure hope he tells me I can drive 'cause I'm down right Stir Crazy!

Xrays January 8th, 2009

11 days after surgery (including lovely colors from bruising and cellucitis).

view of leg today, January 26, 2009
Looks really good, don't ya think?

I'm very pleased with the progress. There is a significant amount of adhesion going on under those scars and I'm working on releasing those. It's do-it-now with some discomfort or wait and do it later with LOTS of discomfort and hard work. The major effect of the adhesions right now is a difficulty in Eversion.

There is a lot of metal in that leg now (as you can see in the xrays). That doesn't bother me as long as it stays and my body doesn't give me trouble with it. I do not plan to be cut into ever again if I can help it. I may have some hiccups if and when I ever fly on commercial air lines.

My recovery has seemed very slow. Time is relative, I guess. I'm just bored and frustrated that I can't be out doing the things I love... well, not yet. In actuality, I believe recovery has been pretty rapid. I have, historically healed rather slowly, something I get from my mother. But this time it seems my body is cooperating nicely. I believe I can attribute that to my change in lifestyle, activities and attitude. My career change and my entry into the world of alternative medicine has been good for me in SO MANY ways. This recovery process is just another example of that.

Once again, I thank my lucky stars for finding my way to that world.
And in "Lucky Stars" I mean, my BEST BUDDY - C who inspired me, mentored me, and told me the BEST (ONLY) school to attend and My teacher/employer/FRIEND - Pam who has taught me everything she knows, groomed me to be a great therapist and teacher and who has been a terrific friend and confidante.
I love you guys more than I can express!

Characters Unite against hate...

Sign the Pledge at charactersunite.com

O-fortuna soundtrack for BDSM?

As I've mentioned, O, Fortuna is one of my favorites. I was surfing itunes today looking for different versions to download. It occurred to me that it would make the perfect back-drop to an energetic and satisfying bdsm session. This came to me as I realized how the music affected me physically. My pulse quickened, my heart pounded, I felt out of breath. The music touches me in ways I'm not sure I can explain. Yes, I've always enjoyed this piece of music... but it wasn't until today that I actually looked at the english translation of the lyrics. How apropos! The words fit my interpretation beautifully.

Then I read more about Carmina Burana, the musical composition by Carl Orff of which O, Fortuna is a part. The composition is based on 24 poems in the medieval collection Carmina Burana:

The selection covers a wide range of secular topics, as familiar in the 13th century as they are in the 21st century: the fickleness of fortune and wealth, the ephemeral nature of life, the joy of the return of Spring, and the pleasures and perils of drinking, gluttony, gambling and lust.

Ah, Perfect!

Check out the lyrics in the video above.