Monday is "Data-dump" day...

(...or perhaps it's just "Information Overload")

My weekend was both wonderful and disappointing! Story of my life... (see Dichotomy entry), nothing is ever cut and dried in Peg's life. It's always "this and that", "either/or", "asi asi" but never just plain GOOD.

On Saturday, I spent the morning at the Clinic/Institute because the current 6 Month Massage Class was graduating and I wanted to help out. I feel somewhat responsible, although I really didn't have anything to do with THIS class. I do help out with the current 12 Month (evening) class and I've been tutoring one of the students in Anatomy & Physiology.
I've been offered a teaching position for the future! I will begin as a Teaching Assistant as I'm "groomed" to take over some of the classes, probably 2009 or so. It seems that Pam (owner/ Head Instructor) wants to have a LIFE... go figure.
I'm very excited about this!

After graduation, I stopped by the motorcycle range and visited with my Fwed for a little bit. We thrusted and parried... employing our usual ammunition: sexual innuendo! I SO enjoy our jousts! Then I headed to Starbucks to hang with my buddy grodge (AKA The Scholar). Haven't sat around 'bucks in quite a while... it was nice to have some down time. Later, he followed me over to my new digs and we watched a movie together.

In an attempt to help some of the students with class assignments that are... shall we say, Down to the Wire, I had made arrangements for a couple of them to come over on Sunday.
I was disappointed... yet again.
Funny how I'm always thinking I should DO what I say I will do... bad habit that!
I didn't leave the house in anticipation of these events... there WERE things I could have been doing. Not that I wanted to, mind you, but I could have. None the less, I guess I should thank them... in a way. Other than doing some laundry and vacuuming the floors (not a real task, as I have a Roomba) I relaxed and got some needed rest. I awoke this morning feeling nice and refreshed.

So, there was good and there was not-so-good this past weekend. Was there Bad, you ask (you did ask didn't you?)? Well, pervading my restful weekend, there was the fact that I had not heard from someone who is very important to me...

Letter to my love:

First, I want to say Thanks, Dear for responding this morning!

I have a really hard time not taking your silences personally.

I also have a hard time deciding whether I should tell you what I'm feeling. I think sometimes that it will make things worse and that it might make you more distant. I'm not sure if it makes things harder for you or if it makes you aware just how much I care for you.

I spent days leaving you alone, trying not to bother you, giving you "space". And it was agony, mostly because I spent it hoping that you would take the initiative and say something to me... call me, email me, whatever.
I didn't keep quiet to test you in any way, I just thought perhaps you needed me to leave you alone... but I wanted to feel missed. In the end, I did what I always do... contact YOU.

I felt guilty because I've been thinking of myself... I DO get to think of myself some don't I?? I spend so much time thinking of others... I wanted something for me. I wanted YOU.

I foresee it getting even harder... as my time gets taken up even more with duties and clients.
And I see you getting mired more and more in your... tasks, your chores... your withdrawal!
I'm frightened that you will get to a point where you won't even want to TRY anymore... try to see me... or anyone else for that matter. Will you stop wanting me? I'm scared that you already have.

today's song...

My life has a soundtrack...
and today's song is:

"Love Song"

SARA BAREILLES

Head under water

And they tell me to breathe easy for a while

The breathing gets harder, even I know that

You made room for me but it's too soon to see

If I'm happy in your hands

I'm unusually hard to hold on to

Blank stares at blank pages

No easy way to say this

You mean well, but you make this hard on me

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you asked for it

'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you tell me it's

Make or break in this

If you're on your way

I'm not gonna write you to stay

If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better

Reason to write you a love song today

I learned the hard way

That they all say things you want to hear

And my heavy heart sinks deep down under you and

Your twisted words,

Your help just hurts

You are not what I thought you were

Hello to high and dry

Convinced me to please you

Made me think that I need this too

I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you asked for it

'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you tell me it's

Make or break in this

If you're on your way

I'm not gonna write you to stay

If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better

Reason to write you a love song today

Promise me that you'll leave the light on

To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone

'cause I believe there's a way you can love me

Because I say

I won't write you a love song

'cause you asked for it

'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you tell me it's make or break in this

Is that why you wanted a love song

'cause you asked for it

'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you tell me it's make or break in this

If you're on your way

I'm not gonna write you to stay

If your heart is nowhere in it

I don't want it for a minute

Babe, I'll walk the seven seas when I believe that

There's a reason to

Write you a love song today

Lyrics

still love you...

where are you, my love

don't you ever want to talk

just to hear MY voice?

~

Puccini for Beginners...

oh, this one is good!
The sushi chefs were the BEST PART... Hilarious.

Allegra and Samantha break up. Allegra dates Phillip. Philip has broken up with Grace. Grace dates Allegra. Allegra does not know Grace is Phillip's ex and vice versa.

AIM, then shoot...

here we go again

'available' it still says

just not for me then?

~

Anatomy Trains...

I spent the past weekend in NOVA... the Herndon/Reston area actually... at AKS Massage School. We were in a class on Tom Myers' Anatomy Trains.

Anatomy Trains Myofascial Meridians is a revolution in Soft-Tissue Patterning. Anatomy Trains provides a precise map of the 'anatomy of connection' -
the whole-body fascial and myofascial linkages, leading to holistic strategies for health professionals, movement teachers, and athletes to resolve complex postural and movement patterns.

Fascia, Tensegrity, Structural Integration, posture, "Spatial Medicine"...
what a fascinating class!

unseasonably warm... but still...

crystal clear and cool

my body aches to be held

warm my soul as well

~

the move...

Did I mention we moved? Not far, just a few miles away. This house is a bit bigger and has a detached garage. There's space enough for a separate massage room so that's good, no more massage table taking up the living room!
There are hard wood floors which in good for the allergies.

I think the cat has explored and searched out every possible spot to sleep in. But did I mention hard wood floors? No carpet... how can one small cat create such a racket while playing in the hallway? And you know she must do that at the most inopportune times!

miss you...

i have to believe

if you really wanted me

you'd make it happen

~

Bubbly...

Colbie Caillat Lyrics

Keanu & Sandra... two of my favorites...

One of the all time greatest chick flicks!

The Lake House

I love the premise...

miss you so...

whether i see you

or you stand too far from me

love, with all my heart

~

3 laws of robotics...

I've always liked this movie.

I am a freak for Isaac Asimov's Foundation Series and other robot stories.There are great moments in this movie, like when Rupert removes Andrew's face for the upgrade. Andrew screams when he sees himself in a mirror, "I saw the inner me!"

Snow!!!

Mother's little helper...

Kitty decided to help me pack for the move.

Meeting day

Sitting in an all day meeting for motorcycle safety... My bestest
roommate won the Gecko!! Woohoo!

come back...

it's always been thus

out of sight, out of mind... but

now it's even worse

~

The Worlds Fastest Indian...

another chapter from Movies I've Never Heard Of... but are damned good:

The World's Fastest Indian

Merde!

i do understand

low of your priorities

but it does still hurt

~

dichotomy...

I've been living a strange duality, of late.

On one side, I have a very good friend who is dealing with clinical depression, one friend has been diagnosed with Level 2 Astrocytoma, one friend just died suddenly on the job. I'm stuggling to deal with these circumstances... to "make sense".

On the other side, My life has taken a direction that is completely joyful and healing... for me as well as the people I get to help. I've never been happier in my life... I've never been happier WITH my life.

Yet, I grieve the loss of my friend, Ray. He died last week, on the job. We had his memorial service on Tuesday and the chapel was overflowing with friends, many friends that I have not seen in a very long time. Sad that it takes such circumstances to bring us back together. I will miss Ray's laugh, his smile and his bear hugs... especially the hugs!

I grieve the (emotional) loss of my mentor/best buddy "C" and I pray he finds his way back. He's dealing with turmoil and obstacles in his life much of which was thrust upon him. He did not have a choice and that loss of control is somthing he's not dealing with well.

I have to believe he will come back, for my own sanity as much as his. I need him.

My friend T.J. was diagnosed with a temporal lobe tumor a few weeks ago. I grieve the losses he has suffered and continue to hope and pray he will beat this.

Again, I have to believe that he will. The joyful part is he still has the ability to crack me up with his special brand of humor. He's pretty amazing for one so young. He must beat this.

I know they will. There's is no alternative really... I need to believe T.J. will remain in my life, I refuse to believe C will leave me. They must not go... like Ray, literally or figuratively. I can't lose any more loved ones.

Am I being whiney and selfish? I haven't had nearly the loss that some people have had. I haven't lost a spouse/partner as Pat has. I haven't lost a child or a parent. But my losses are losses of my heart, never to be replaced. They are "holes", if you will, holes in my heart.

And from this moment on, I refuse to "lose" friends because of petty disagreements. Not from hurt feelings or emotional slights, no... no more. Be what you are able to be in my life, give what you can... but I will remain your friend... no matter what.

Thus the Duality I'm feeling.

"How are you, Peg" everyone asks. And I usually say, "I'm good", "I'm GREAT", "I'm the happiest I can ever remember being" and it's so, so true.

But I'm sad also, I'm lonely, I'm grieving, I'm impatient, I long for... I ache for ... oh, many things.

I feel pulled in different directions. I literally feel PULLED APART!

It's exhausting and disorienting.

wishes, hopes and dreams...

more than anything

one thing I want most of all

for you to need me

~

another of those stupid MySpace questionnaires...

My friend, T.J. has been recuperating at home from an illness and he gets really bored. He spends time answering a lot of those "getting to know your friends" surveys. And damn it... I can't seem to resist.

Just say NO!!!

But if you can't resist either.... copy and answer for yourself. (Let me know you did I'd like to read it on your blog when you're done.)



1. How late did you stay up last night and why? ~about 2am... that's pretty typical for me.

2. What was the first thing you thought when you got up? ~DAMN, gotta go to work.

3. What's your ringtone on your phone? ~there are certain ringtones for certain people... but the general one is JOY by Apollo 100, otherwise known as: Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring by
J.S. Bach

4. What did you do last night? ~had dinner with friends then watched TV and surfed the web.

5. Where do you work? ~where do I start? I work for Hanover County (and have forever) and I work as a massage therapist for Institute of Massage Therapies and I'm a motorcycle safety instructor for Motorcycle Safety Center of VA

6. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? ~yes, would like to think the one I'm in will last a good long while.

7. Do you own a stereo that costs more than £100? ~yeah, I guess.... how the hell much is that in DOLLARS?

8. Have you ever told someone of the opposite sex you loved them and meant it? ~many many times

9. How's your heart lately? ~ it's okay.... usually worn on my sleave and easily bruised.

10. What were you doing this morning at 7am? ~trying my damnedest to wake up

11. What were you doing this afternoon at 12pm? ~is that yesterday at 12pm? uh... getting ready to pick T.J. up.

12. What radio station do you listen to the most? ~XM radio and the station varies

13. What kind of music is it? ~didn't I say it VARIES!?!?!

14. What was the reason you last cried? ~ This week, a good friend died... electrocuted... a bad, bad week.

15. Have you ever talked to someone when they were high? ~who hasn't?.

16. Who was it? ~Which time?

17. What song is stuck in your head? ~Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring by Apollo 100 ... OH! WAIT... gotta answer my phone... brb.

18. Who was the last person you called? ~Mom... she didn't answer..what's up with that?

19. Who filled this out before you? ~Well, T.J. of course!

20. How many red lights have you ran? ~hopefully not that many.

21. Have you ever cried while taking a shower? ~hell yeah

22. What was your least favorite year at school? ~how the hell should I know.... they were okay.

23. What were you doing at 12am last night? ~some shit on the computer

26. When was the last time you were given a rose? ~I don't remember

27. Is there anything that you are craving right now? ~don't know.... but T.J. makes that Ensure sound mighty interesting!

28. When did your last hug take place? ~actually, my roommate thought I needed a hug this morning. Got several last night.

29. Do people ever make stupid mistakes when spelling or saying your name? ~Yes.

30. Have you ever started a sentence with "No offense, but..."? ~Yup

31. Do you drink tea? ~Yes... tons of it... hot or cold

32. When was the last time you saw a cop? ~Today

33. Did you ride in someone else's car today? ~not yet

34. Have you made a mistake this past week? ~I'm sure

35. What are you listening to right now? ~XM radio (Christmas music) and T talking to me on the phone

36. Who was the last person to text you? ~Gail

37. Do you miss someone? ~every minute I'm not with him.

39. Are you happy with your life? ~absolutely... I'm having a blast.

41. Is there a feeling you're trying to avoid? ~anxiety or angst... I try to be patient.

44. Are you sleeping somewhere other than home Saturday night? ~why? what have you heard?

45. What song makes you think of the person you like? ~Day is Done

And just don't ask where numbers 24, 25, 38, 40, 42 and 43 went! I don't have a clue.

Christmas lights

Christmas lights

haiku of lamenting...

what of my feelings?

are mine of little concern

am I the strong one?

~

Really, Officer...

I only had 2 beers!

sent from my iphone

Nuclear Reindeer?

I know this is hard to see, but in person it's downright freaky. It lights up
the whole neighborhood!

sent from my iphone.

To T.J. on the day of his surgery...

I pray for success

though religion's not my thing

begging I do well.

~

Quote of the Day... oh, the pain.

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option”

Damn, this one kinda hits me where I live! Ouch!

Karaoke night

My fav KJ Amanda started a new gig at a new restaurant in town called Highwater. It overlooks the Kanawa Canal in a part of the city known
as Shockoe Slip. Really cool place!

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Firepit

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iphone photos

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Fall Colors

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...

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Leaves

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Fall Colors

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from the MOVIES I SOMEHOW MISSED archive...

It's a holiday... Veterans Day. I really thought I was just gonna sit on my ass all day (one of my favorite past times) but I got a call from I.M.T. that I had a client this afternoon.

Well, that's good, really it is.

I did get some couch time in today. Watched this movie:

The Amati Girls

How did I miss this one... it was very good, Chick Flick I guess.

Then I watched this one (VERY different):

Land of the Blind

and we KNOW how much I like Ralph Fiennes! Definitely NOT a chick flick.

hopes and dreams...

I pray to hear it

just waiting for you to say
come be with me please

~

I'm always here... if you need me...

I've tried every tact I can think. I've been understanding, I've been funny, I've been helpful, I've gotten angry, I've soaked up some of your depression (albeit unintentionally), I've spoken seductively and used ribald language, and I've been loving and caring...

always loving and caring.

Some things help... for a short time and some things make no impression at all. It appears that when we spend time together... you "perk up" and yet the next day... you're right back to sleeping thru your depression for most of the day.

I'm frustrated and tired, my energy and enthusiasm are depleted... and yet, I will never give up! I'm here... by your side (figuratively) for the duration.

It's still a waiting game. Your life is in Limbo. I do understand that this is the hardest thing you've ever had to do

bad pussy...

This video is absolutely hilarious... it's our cat all over!

Check out this video: Bad Pussy



More Videos

and last but not least...

I received my license from Virginia Board of Nursing last Friday!
So I'm legal! Did I tell you that my teacher (and owner of the school) hired me as a Therapist at the Clinic at the Institute??? I've had two clients already.

Now I just need to retire from my day job!!!

4 years, 0 months, 0 weeks, 2 days, 22 hours..... but who's counting?!

too quiet...

with a heavy heart

i dream of you calling me

won't happen will it?

~

Hello?

speak to me my dear

do I deserve so little,

have I not earned it?

~

A wasted Saturday? Never!

Then I watched Last Holiday with Queen Latifah
Great quote by Gérard Depardieu as Chef Didier:

"The secret of life is... butter"

One down, one to go...

It came in the mail yesterday! I'm officially NCTMB (Nationally Certified in Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork)! Now I'm waiting for the state Board of Nursing to send me my license.

Our deepest fear...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Author: Marianne Williamson

"Our greatest fear" from her book 'A return to love'

I just watched Akeelah and the Bee. What an awesome movie! I cried through the second half... not because it was sad, nope, because it was just so uplifting. Yeah? Go ahead, call it a 'chick flick' if you must... but this 'Chick' loved it!

still waiting...

I'm still impatiently waiting for my certificate from NCBTMB (and sometimes Y) and for my license from the VA Board of Nursing. The state DID cash my check this week... so hopefully it's in the works!

Harley-Davidson: Live by it.

Awesome video. However, near then end... the voices in unison begin to sound a little like the Borg... a little creepy.

balm for my heart and soul...

what a great present

twas the perfect thing to say

are you back to stay?

~

Hallelujah! Eureka! and Hot Damn!

Got my "official" report from NCBTMB (and sometimes Y) and Thomson Prometric of my performance on the National Certification Exam. They break it down between the 6 general knowledge content areas:
1. General Knowledge of Body Systems
2. Anatomy, Physiology and Kinesiology
3. Pathology
4. Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork Assessment
5. Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork Application
6. Professional Standards, Ethics, Business and Legal Practices

I made "HIGH" in all 6 categories!!!!!
Yes, Yes, Yes!
Ouch, I think I just hurt my arm... patting myself on my back... hehe
I think I need a massage.

my gratitude...

you gifted me that

and made me feel at least loved

you are still with me

~

let that be my hug

feel the love wrapped up in it

doing what he can

~

addictions...

I live to see you

every moment, every day

think of you always

~

only the best of intentions...

over step my bounds

could I be guilty of this?

my motive is love.

~

I passed!

I passed the NCBTMB National Certification Exam yesterday morning. YES!
160 questions. When I started and saw the first few questions, I thought I was screwed! Holy Shit, what is this stuff???

It did get a little better though. Obviously, since I passed. And that's all they tell you when you finish... you passed or you didn't pass. I'm supposed to get an "official" report telling me if I scored High, Middle or Low and the areas I need to work on.

Happy Birthday, C

Today is the birthday of one of my Favorite People. I sang this to him on his voicemail this morning.
Happy Birthday, C... I love you.

Uh...okay?!

Sunrise...

Hello Kitty sighting...

Just for my friend "The Scholar"

More Myrtle Beach

Revenge is a dish best served...

...Pink???
And she didn't want me to buy the blue rubber shoes! Haha!

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sent from my iPhone

The shoe police...

I'm on vacation in Myrtle Beach, NC with three other wacko women.
We were in a store at Broadway At The Beach and, as I pick up the
items pictured above, I hear a loud voice (my friend) from across the
store, "STEP AWAY from the blue rubber shoes!!!"

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sent from my iPhone

VROOOM...

Spent the weekend teaching Motorcycle Safety!

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sent from my iphone

one day at a time...

I'm pretty sure I saw it a couple of times. It's been so long, I thought I might have been mistaken. But it was real, brief but real. It brightened the room and warmed my heart.

L. Y.

an actual smile

the kind you do with your eyes

how I've longed to see.

~

Wow! I'm so sorry...

It's been quite a while hasn't it? I've really been neglecting you.

Between finishing school, taking my final exams and dealing with my friend's depression and pain... life has been pretty full.

But the good news is, I got a 92 on my final and I graduated last Saturday! Yes!

I got the highest grade point average! Yes, I'm a happy camper.

Today I've been filling out online applications to take the National Certification Exam. Notarize this, photograph that and Pay Us... Whew, This is getting expensive! And after passing the Nat. Cert., I have to pay the Board of Nursing here in Virginia.

a cry in the dark...

i want it... need it,

just a touch, however brief

but you have no time.

~

a word is enough

so, do you even want me?

at least tell me this

~

what transgression?

i ask for something

and still you do not answer

is this punishment?

~

delete... me?

an aggravation...

is that what I am to you

do I misconstrue?

~

Background noise...

... the continuing soundtrack of my life. I've been feeling pretty melancholy. This fits:

Big Girls Don't Cry

Fergie

Da Da Da Da

The smell of your skin lingers on me now

You're probably on your flight back to your home town

I need some shelter of my own protection baby

To be with myself and center, clarity

Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS:]

I hope you know, I hope you know

That this has nothing to do with you

It's personal, myself and I

We've got some straightenin' out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket

But I've got to get a move on with my life

It's time to be a big girl now

And big girls don't cry

Don't cry Don't cry Don't cry

The path that I'm walking

I must go alone

I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown

Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?

And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

[CHORUS]

Like the little school mate in the school yard

We'll play jacks and uno cards

I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine Valentine

Yes you can hold my hand if you want to

'Cause I want to hold yours too

We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds

But it's time for me to go home

It's getting late, dark outside

I need to be with myself and center, clarity

Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]

La Da Da Da Da Da

43 Things...

Have you seen this site? http://www.43things.com/
It's pretty cool. I joined this afternoon and I've been exploring it ever since. Want to see the list of what I want to do? Scroll to the bottom of this page.

“I am doing 43 things”
People have known for years that making a list of goals is the best way to achieve them. But most of us never get around to making a list. 43 Things is great for that! Make a list on 43 Things and see what changes happen in your life. Best of all it’s a way of connecting with other enthusiasts interested in everything from watching a space shuttle launch to grow my own vegetables. So the next time someone asks you, “what do you do?” you can answer with confidence, “I am doing 43 things!”.

come home...

despondent and blue...

when will you come back to us?

miss your smiling eyes.

~

for you, my dear...

Music Videos - Umbrella

Umbrella

Rihanna

You had my heart
and we'll never be world apart
Maybe in magazines
but you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the Dark
You can see shiny Cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because

[Chorus]
When the sun shines
We’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath
I'mma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

These fancy things,
will never come in between
You're part of my entity
Here for Infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard

Together we'll mend your heart
Because ...
[CHORUS]
When the sun shines
We'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath
I'mma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

[BRIDGE]
You can run into my Arms
It's okay don't be alarmed
(Come into Me)
(There's no distance in between our love)
So Gonna let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more
Because ...

[CHORUS]
When the sun shines
We'll shine Together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath
I'mma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

It's raining (raining)
Ooo baby it's raining
baby come into me
Come into me
It's raining (raining)
Ooo baby it's raining
You can always come into me
Come into me......

Please, let me help...

connection...

lamenting your pain

do you ever realize

tears I shed for you?

~

...pulled limb from limb.

or, at least that's how it feels....

She said,
"Sounds like to me you need to eliminate some things in your life that aren't really important. "

Hmmm, wonder what she thinks I should eliminate.

• perhaps I should quit my job?
• perhaps I should give up my friends and their needs...?
• perhaps I should give up caring about my future... ?
• perhaps I should give up my goals...?
• perhaps I should give up my self love...?
• ...my quest for happiness?

NAW... none of these are unimportant. So what DO I eliminate?
I can't think of a thing!

and the beat goes on...

present and yet... not.

where are you when I need you?

just give me a sign.

~

La de da de de, la de da de da

Stress, stress and more stress...

As I mentioned, someone who is very important to me is having problems.... no, he's having a crisis. I posted that, now that I know the details, I wasn't internalizing it so much.... Yeah, Right!

I'm a wreck! Not as bad as he is of course... but I'm feeling so much of it.

I have been trying (to no avail it seems) to convince him that negativity begets negative.

And it does! Have you ever noticed when you feel beaten down and walked on... more bad stuff happens. "What Else could go Wrong??" The more you say "Oh Woe is Me..." the more woe you get? And when things are going great... and you say "I feel fabulous"... well things just go your way, you're "on a Roll"??

In his book Anatomy Trains, Tom Myers quotes Dr Moshé Feldenkrais:

'All negative emotion is expressed as flexion'

Myers says further, in Anatomy Trains:

"The general truth of this simple statement is brought home to any observer of human behavior every day. We see the hunch of anger, the slump of depression, or the cringe of fear many times and in many different forms."

I can see my friend's posture changing. I can see him "folding" inward... and it breaks my heart. I know he will survive whether he knows it or not... I know this change will not destroy him. It might even be the best possible thing for him. I've been trying to convince him of that.

But as he frequently says, "Time will tell..."

NASA Photo of the day...ooooh, pretty...

This Cassini image is a color map of the composition of a portion of Saturn's moon Hyperion. In this map, blue shows the maximum exposure of frozen water, red denotes carbon dioxide ice ("dry ice"), magenta indicates regions of water plus carbon dioxide, yellow is a mix of carbon dioxide and an unidentified material. The map was made with data from the Visual and Infrared Mapping Spectrometer aboard the Cassini spacecraft during its flyby of Hyperion in September 2005. Image credit: NASA/JPL/University of Arizona/Ames/Space Science Institute.

Blackberry; no, iPhone; no, Blackberry; no ...

Confusing isn't it?

I told you I had purchased a Blackberry...right? Well, that's yesterday's news. I cancelled the Blackberry and sent it back. I bought this on Saturday:

Say Hello to iPhone!

That's right... I broke down and bought the latest, greatest Techno-craze gadget! I never do that. I think my purchases out, I plan, I research.... not this time! And I never return things, not even shoes.

And guess what... I love it!

I really would never have done it if it hadn't been for my buddy fwed. We looked at them on Friday evening. Then on Saturday he calls and says he wants to get one for his girlfriend and did I want to come along. I just couldn't take it... I had to have one.

It's all his fault!

Well, That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!

love you...

Someone I love called me last night and told me about a crisis in their life. I felt like saying, "Why the hell didn't you tell me this sooner? I've been feeling it for days"!
I've mentioned that I believe I empathically "pick up" on people's pains. Well it appears it doesn't matter whether they are physical or emotional pains. And the closer I am (emotionally, not proximity, btw) to the individual, the more intense the "symptoms".

This "someone"is very close to me, very important. This is potentially a life-altering crisis. I do believe this person is seeing only negative possibilities right now. I told them "it hasn't happened yet and you don't know that it will... breathe..." (hah, practice what you preach, peg. Therapist heal thyself!)

You know... it's one thing to get a vague feeling of pain or discomfort from acquaintenances/clients/strangers, but when it's someone I love... oh my, it really throws me for a loop. For several days, I've been having intense headaches, neck pain, my jaw hurts from gritting my teeth, my back has been tight... I generally don't have these problems, well at least not since starting school.
I'm still feeling kinda "tender" today. I'm still feeling overwhelmed and frightened (my feelings? theirs? some of both?).

Now that I know what's going on.... I'm not internalizing it so much. I guess now I'm seeing it as a problem to solve. I want so badly to be able to help... at the very least... I want to hold them.

I wish they had called me earlier!

freetime...

what might we do, sir?

if we had some time... time to

pleasure each other?

~

Winster games...

I thought I'd share a new gaming site I found, it's called Winster. The poker game is pretty cool. You can share cards with other players. It's a pretty brainless game but it's fun.

If you use my LINK here, I get points so I can continue playing for free.

So far I haven't found anything bad or annoying about the site and you can play free each day for a limited time.

Check it out!

all good things come to those who wait...

yeah... right....

want to give you time

it doesn't work so well though

but I AM trying

~

new toy...

you were maybe hoping for a sex toy?? ... yeah, me too. No such luck, Lately!

anywho...

I just got this:

Blackberry 7100i

Now, you know, I really want an iPhone (who doesn't?)... but I do NOT want to go to Cingular. I wanted a Treo, but I do NOT want to change to Sprint (why the hell can't Sprint/Nextel get together on their equipment and services??). Basically, I like Nextel... Period. But the only options for devices like these are the Blackberry 7100i and the Blackberry 7520.

Do I NEED this phone? Probably not. But I really despised my other phone (the i850 by Motorola).

So far, I think I like the 7100i. Getting my email on my phone is pretty cool. There is no camera, but I didn't use it that much. Do kinda miss it though. It has bluetooth, that's cool.

I have this:

The one thing about this phone I really hate is that real audio ringtones are not supported, only monophonic & polyphonic tones. At least, they SAY that will be remedied in the next software version... yeah, right. I'm not holding my breath.

Continuing Education...

I'm in a weekend seminar, Medical Intuition Level I with Kim Seer.

MEDICAL INTUITIVE TRAINING
A practical hands-on series that provides skills you can use
immediately. Learn proven techniques on how to see into the physical body and its systems with incredible accuracy.
Find out with pinpoint precision what is causing the body’s imbalance. Learn specific methods and techniques to rectify illness and disease.
Hands-on experience overseen by highly trained Instructors.
Receive feedback on your accuracy.
Learn practical tools for the expansion of your intuition.
Advance your healing work to a higher level.
This training blends well with all modalities. No prior experience necessary.

I'll let you know what I think when the weekend is over.

Quote for the day...

I'm not afraid of dying. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

- Woody Allen

direction... please...

torture it is then

what is it you want from me?

begging for contact

~

talk to me...

some tortures I love

switches, paddles, ropes and chains

neglect is not one

~

'nagging' feeling...

what is your reason?

too unwilling to give it

that thing that I need.

~

lazy sunday...

sitting on my ass, watching movies...

now that's the way to spend a Sunday when you've been working and going to school non-stop.

Here's one of the best movies ever:

Frequency (2000)

A rare atmospheric phenomenon allows a New York City firefighter to communicate with his son 30 years in the future via short-wave radio. The son uses this opportunity to warn the father of his impending death in a warehouse fire, and manages to save his life. However, what he does not realize is that changing history has triggered a new set of tragic events, including the murder of his mother. The two men must now work together, 30 years apart, to find the murderer before he strikes so that they can change history--again. Written by {jgp3553@excite.com} via www.imdb.com
John Sullivan (Caviezel) is a New York City homicide officer who is traumatized for 30 years following the death of his father, Frank (Quaid), After finding Frank's HAM radio, John begins talking to Frank, 30 years into the future. Together, they change the past but have to find a way to stop a serial killer from murdering John's Mom & Frank's wife with a 30 year gap. Written by Ryan Harder {hotshotharder@hotmail.com} via www.imdb.com

If you haven't seen it, check it out!

what do I want?

dreams are just dreams, but...

no matter what my brain says

heart says otherwise

~

yearning...

only a week now

since I held you in my arms

I ache to see you

~

What is Wrong with..... this blog!?

NO, not MY Blog!

This One: What is Wrong With ..................YOU!?
I ran across it today and as far as I can tell... there is nothing wrong with it. In fact, it's quite good.
Specifically this post:
What is Wrong With.... The English Language...

Though I'm not as vehement as the author, I agree with much of what he writes.
Check it out... it's quite enjoyable.

Wishfulness...

what new dream is this?

to spend a night in your arms

oh, not new at all

~

Suspense...

and suspension...

just hanging around

waiting for you to call me

to go hang around

~

My bud, The Scholar, & "Hello Kitty"

A little known fact about my friend "The Scholar"...

he has a (not so) secret love for Hello Kitty.

Just for him, I found these (somewhat odd) Hello Kitty websites:
Hello Kitty Tarot Cards

Hello Kitty Credit Card

Hello Kitty Toaster

Hello Kitty String Thong

Hello Kitty Toilet Paper

Hello Kitty Crop Circle (!?)

Hello Kitty Fire Extinguisher

Hello Kitty Piracy?

The Hello Kitty Airstream RV

My all time favorite site, where you could purchase a Hello Kitty Vibrator has been disabled, but no worries... here is someone blogging about it!

Another Urban Dictionary word...

Another of "my" words has been approved:

Quike

I say "my" because someone else actually coined the term... my good friend "The Scholar". Ah hell, he's quite accustomed to people stealing from him. "The Saint" steals jokes from him all the time.

If you've got an ill, pop a pill...

CLICK THE PIC

Listening to John Prine...

... makes me think of you.

"Do you still like me?

Well I hope you do!"

Urban Dictionary entry...

Well, one of my words has finally been approved by the editors on Urban Dictionary! No, I don't get to approve my own words.

CELEBRATE!!

Celebrate WHAT, you ask? Well let's see... June 1st is

Stand For Children Day

Oscar the Grouch's Birthday

Donut Day

Hurricane Preparedness Sales Tax Holiday (??) - Florida

Dare Day

Flip a Coin Day

Hug your cat Day

Leave the office early Day

Pen Pal Day

Independence Day - Samoa

To name a few!

But what's more important... Today my hit-counter went to

10,000 !!!

Yea!